At least the Chinese didn’t forget Tasmania. And according to Paul, that’s the first place they’d target. In- breeding enhances compliance, and it started off as a Prison Colony anyway. Plus ca Change!

In a twist of fate more telling than Paul Keating’s dumping on the AUK-WARD Treaty, our heroes find themselves once again in hot water.  Hot water of the Sophie, (‘I have more publicly funded sinecures than you have’) Mirabella type.

Last time we looked in on our heroes were cocooned inside the stationary Rotodyne as it was being encroached by menacing Highland Villagers. We saw Sophie, as is her nature, clobber her Sophie look alike with forty kilos of anchor.

A pause ensued and from the reactions of the natives, we must assume that the displacing of their version of Sophie may not be such a bad thing. And the suggestions, tenuous at the very least that they may prefer the new Sophie as their undisputed priestess, goddess, and leader.

Telling AUK-WARD partners which way the loo is.

Is it too soon to tell, or do the natives know something about our Sophie that the rest of us don’t understand? Perhaps their native intuition? Or the legacy left behind by Rolf Harris who allegedly gave them the gift of civilisation and the superb and undervalued ‘Two Little Boys’ as a talisman of Australian Culture. We can only conjecture.  But if you hold on tight all will be revealed in the next few paragraphs, to lead us to who knows where? An addenda to the AUK-WARD Pact, an insight into the overcooked Lehrman Higgins fiasco? Or even just an insight into why the water goes down the plug hole clockwise in the southern hemisphere, and anti-clockwise in the northern hemisphere.

Synchronise your clock wises as the story is re booted. Courtesy Robodebt V.2

‘Jeez! , that’s torn it’.

Three pillars of INTEGRITY. The Anglosphere stands FIRM!

Terry, always a man of understatement let out a deep sigh infused with Camel and the acknowledgment that Sophie had what it took to quell the bloodlust of restless natives. ‘She sure knows how to handle a crowd. You bet, and the way the other Sophie looks, we wont be getting any more trouble outta her’. And sure enough barely after the priestesses downfall, our Sophie had picked up the necklace of shrunken skulls, the Bird of Paradise head gear and all the accoutrements of the native priestess and adorned herself with the finery.  And then, picking up the sceptre of sorts, fashioned as a knockberry with another skull she raised it, her jackboot firmly planted on the stilled torso of her victim and screamed in the most bloodthirsty and incomprehensible native argot of supreme triumph. We had no idea what she was saying, cept to acknowledge that she had clearly at some stage in her celebrated and decorated career, learnt many colourful languages.

Wasting no time, over her victory, she pointed to the cauldron, and motioned for the native host to gather the lifeless body of their former leader and place it in the cauldron. For Sophie that was all pure instinct.  She had what it took without the inhibiting emotional register of fear, empathy, compassion. She just knew what she had to do. ‘Jeez’, Quent enthused, ‘if Harry and Migraine did things this way they’d be running the chook- shed they call ‘Windsor! Too right!  And the pommy aristocracy would just have to stick it up their chinless noses’.

‘Dead right’, proffered Ces, ‘she really has the right stuff’.

Always a GONG in the offing for a well-licked BUM!

The natives busied themselves with carrying and unceremoniously plonking the priestess in the cauldron and then under the incandescent glare of the fire, which burned very brightly indeed they witnessed Sophie, raised upon a palanquin of sorts offer a another native as a sacrifice.

‘Jeez she’s only been here five minutes and she’s got the whole bloody culture sorted. She’d be a shoe- in for a spot on the board of the NDIS or the ABC. She’d shut the do- gooders up in five minutes and they’d be so bloody scared they wouldn’t ‘complain about the biscuits at tea breaks or their roster, or time in lieu entitlements. WE need people like Sophie back in Government’.

These sub genre films always start happy

No sooner had Terry said that when we noticed a change in the tempo. The priestess was cooking nicely, and they reassured themselves they felt safe. But with Sophie, ‘safety’ was just a notion handed out before the long knives were unsheathed. And sure enough, from the gloom and the fiery incandescence, they saw her raise her ghastly machete like knife and her skull adorned sceptre and direct her attention to our heroes.  The tempo of the drums changed. She let out another hideous and altogether bloodthirsty wail and the natives, sensing their orders, rejoiced in a similar display of savage beastliness and made it beyond doubt. The menu tonight, according to their new unassailable Priestess was to be the former Priestess augmented with traces of our trio.

‘Don’t like the look of this’, suggested, Terry. ‘Nor I’, said Quient.  ‘This could be it’!

Turning to Ces, they both pleaded, ‘Fer Chrissakes Ces, think of something’! To whit Ces grabbed another Camel, and puffed furiously as every atom of his being thought of an escape clause.

Is there an escape clause?  Are they more remote than a sanity clause?

Till reality kicks in.

As Chico famously said; ‘I donna believe in a Sanity Claus’’. Only the next few moments can tell, and time has a problem with reliability. Find out in the next episode; ‘the stopped clock tells the correct time at least twice a day’, or, ‘If its ticking and dangerous, it’s either Tik Tok, or Tok Tik, which is Chinese for ‘Dont touch the bloody thing and RUN’!

Here’s another un from Frank.

We think he may be having a go about systemic racism.

Racism that’s so ingrained that even the colour telly is black and white. It’s confusing and would be a bit disappointing if it were true. We thought that submarines is ‘where it’s at’! And underwater, (or at least twelve fathoms and beyond) everything looks much the same. Are fish colour blind?

The first adapted Virginia Class Sub HMAS Snedden is named in honour of our GREATEST pollie, Billy Snedden who died on the JOB. Like FDR, he devoted his life to a noble cause. The import of which we’ve forgotten about.

Too soon to tell, as our resident fish have made no response, (as far as we can tell) as to whether our blue and red and white striped miniaturised submarine is preferable to our bold red submarine with the gold stars. If fish can’t see the difference, it axiomatic that we can’t see the difference either.

It’s complicated, anything else would be just plain black and white.

Anyway. we’ve a few submarine images left over from our last missive and if you excuse us we’d like to put them in just to keep the running gag going.

Gag away.

Here it is from Frank…

 

Tomodashi,

Will these AUK-WARD Treaty subs be as useful as the Brewster Buffaloes we purchased from the Poms, via the Yanks which were meant to save us at Singapore?

I doubt there is a single room in the Northern Territory which has no White Elephant in it.

An elephant with capital R writ large on its flank.

Long before November 2019, when the Yuendumu sky fell in, a budding author wrote:

Our ethnocentricity dictates that none of us are entirely devoid of racism.

In the NT there is no racism. It has been euphemized out of existence.

When constable Murray set off on his posse, racism had nothing to do with it.  He set out to see that justice was done according to contemporary reports.

Our Camp Rolfe, (Formerly Yuendumu) family see no systemic racism anywhere in the NT. It’s a concrete FACT!

When the Yuendumu sky fell in, racism had nothing to do with it.  It was just someone doing their job.

In the current coronial inquest a debate rages.  Etymological questions are raised: is it systemic or systematic? Are there a few rotten apples or is the whole barrel contaminated? What can be done about it? Nothing that three hundred extra personnel and five hundred million dollars can’t fix.  If the medicine isn’t working, increase the dose.

On a lighter note China might have no interest whatsoever on what’s going on ‘downunder’, Perhaps that’s why their birth rate is falling.

Not a single Warlpiri denizen of Yuendumu has not been subjected to racial profiling and special treatment by the occupiers.

Odetta:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5TRwv9aOTc&t=2s

It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why babe,

Ifin you don’t know by now.

Sayonara

Frank

—

 Incredibly our heroes have survived, but inevitably, just as the corpse arises from the lake, and the skeleton walks out of the cupboard we know that their ordeal is far from over. When we left them the priestess who looked uncannily like Sophie their nemesis, was suggesting they be served for dinner or at the very least have their heads miniaturised via the genius of skull shrinking technology,

IN film and literature all sub-genre narratives end in tears. Could it be the sub text? Or the Sub- plot?

Either way it doesn’t look good, and with the toms toms beating a menacing pulse, they’re not sure of they’re the main menu or the entree. Either way it doesn’t look promising. We return to our saga, and be warned, there are traces of Nuclear Submarine in this forthcoming episode.

‘Can’t we do something?  At least we’re inside, and with a bit of luck if we do something it may forestall their dinner arrangements’. Terry quick as a flash pressed the large toggle switch labelled ‘landing light’ and turned it on. The effect was instantaneous, whereas just moments earlier they were being menaced; the entire crowd, the priestess and the drums disappeared. The light, being an airport strobe light blinked and illuminated the ghastly scene before them more clearly than before. When the mists and fugue had obscured all but the totem with the Sophie look-alike as the effigy perched menacingly on top.

Tony, Johnny and Georgie V.2,

‘Jeez that worked a treat.

Do you think we can keep the lights on all night,

‘Nup’ Terry answered phlegmatically, ‘the battery she’s just about run out’.

We could see behind the frames of the village buildings, the outline as myriad heads peering out from the cover of the buildings as they studied the flashing, pulsating strobe from the  Rotodyne. They were curious now. And from the very rear of the throng, the priestess, began to walk cautiously back towards the aircraft. This time she was carrying a very large knife. As she waved it in the air, we could hear the villagers cry in a mournful and melancholy chorus. It was worser than a rendition of ‘Up there Cazaly’ or ‘Advance Australia Fair’ at a cricket match, and worser still, (we apologise for our grammatical in exactitude, but we cater to a Queensland audience) than having to attend an AUK-WARD Pact submarine presentation, or an ANZAC Day event.

We at pcbycp are seriously disappointed. We sent the PM an entire slab of ‘ Crownies” to secure our logo on the PM’s head., Instead, he wears some indecipherable ‘woke-ish” brand. And our caps were quality control manufactured in China.

‘I dunno Quent this doesn’t look nice’. Stealthily and deliberately the natives no longer afraid of the light crept closer. The lights from the Rotodyne, blinked their last, and then, like the slow moving wreck of an AUK-Ward Class submarine they just faded and then died.

‘Well that’s torn it, got any more tricks’? Ces enquired.

‘That’s about it, cept for these signal flares, and the anchor. What’s the anchor for’?

In case we’re marooned at sea, you see the Rotodyne floats.

Fat lot of use that’ll be halfway up a bloody mountain peak. Well, ya never know’.

It was then that the drumming renewed its melancholy beat. And the natives, led by their Sophie look-alike who was now leaping and cavorting in an ecstasy of blood-lust drew closer and closer. Until once again, we could make out her hideous countenance making obscene gestures through the opalescent screen of the Rotodyne cockpit. Space age met Stone age, and whichever way you looked at it, it was not nice.

THE ol EMPIRE STRIKES BACK!

‘Think of something, it’s still early and from what I can see they’re starting a fire, and look over there’. Sure enough, as they looked incredulously, they could see the large sombre silhouette of a large pot, a mighty cauldron, being dragged to the centre of the village Square. The Sophie look-alike pointed to the pot and made bloodthirsty gestures directed solely at us…

‘We’re buggered, what the hell can we do’?

‘I dunno, think of something’.

Artists impression of first AUK-WARD Treaty Aussie Sub. HMS Snedden.

‘We’ve been in worse scrapes’.

Just then, as if by cue Sophie, the real Sophie bound and trussed let out a terrific roar; ‘Youse got one last chance, get me outta this or I’ll knacker ya, with my hubby’s elastrators, eat you fuckin entrails and stew yer brains in grandma’s camp oven. Let me out!  Do ya’s ear me’!!

‘All right then Sophie, but I warn you’, Ces demanded. ‘You’re on probation and I’ve gotta tell you, it’s a tricky situation and you might be able to help’?

‘Untie her’! Ces ordered, and busily we untied her. Sophie pushed, bit and punched at us, but it was small beer to being cooked and eaten. No sooner had she emerged she yelled; ‘What the fuck is going on? Are you frightened by a couple of natives. I’ll show you how to sort this out’.

With out so much as a bye your leave Sophie pushed us aside, grabbed the anchor and before we could stop her, opened the door of the Rotodyne and stood outside,

Moments later she stood face to face with the priestess.

Mock-up Aussie Sub built entirely of cardboard and blu-tak on display at the AWM’s GLORIOUS UNDERWATER ANZACS. Sponsored PROUDLY and NOBLY by numerous undisclosed Cayman Island based philanthropic trusts including Angus Taylor’s extended family JAM-LAND Interests.

The priestess was flummoxed, standing right in front of her was this white devil who looked exactly the same. The priestess pointed to the totem and said something in gibberish, and Sophie proudly, espying the native handicraft, burnished her glasses and pointed in Nicky Winmar fashion to her chest.  To her lapel, where in letters bright and bold it said, ‘Fair Work Commission Member, (accredited)’. The priestess touched the lapel, and then touched it again.  Then she licked it. Looked to her gathering throng. They moved closer. Sophie sensing the tension, did the only thing she knew.  It was pure instinct. Grabbing the anchor she heaved it with all her might and clobbered the priestess with 40 kilos of pig iron. The priestess collapsed. Sophie moved several steps forward and with jackboot firmly placed, plunged the sole of it onto the priestess’s torso and raised her arms in the air in a spirit of exuberant triumph. The crowd murmured, and then, to a man, they rejoiced. The new Sophie had conquered the old Sophie and the new Sophie perhaps was a promise of better things to come.

Or was she?

Not everyone’s rapt in AUK-WARD! Poor Sportsmanship we say. During the Opium Wars we made em grateful, and look how they repay our kindness?

Find out in the next AUK-Ward inspired episode, ‘Sophies crowning achievement might be bigger than the coronation’. Or ‘Sophie clobbers and conquers’.

‘High Noon’, being re- enacted by NT Police 2.00 pm Matinee, and half price for kiddies. Available on weekdays double matinee 2.00 pm and 3.30 pm on Queens Birthday. (even though she’s DEAD).

Dear reader,

another one from Frank of the Near North-West Frontier.

The place they now call ‘Camp Rolfe’, (formerly Yuendumu), where on any day at any given time, there’s a remake of ‘High Noon’ under the sun-drenched streets of this outback settlement. 

Yuendumu Locals still can’t get good mobile reception. I ARKS YA!

Will Gary Copper save the day?  Will Chips Rafferty walk on set and say something really profound like; ‘Jeez it aint arf hot’! Or will justice prevail and any local ‘n’er do wells’ will get their comeuppance from those who wear black and are determined to uphold the law so that the streets of Camp Rolfe are safe.

Safe from Jay walkers, Fare evaders, Fine Shirkers, and those who would suggest that a ‘ Police State’ may not be a viable alternative. to a lifetime of certain and cleansing INCARCERATION!

Stand with us, as we salute Frank. Who alone, remote and unrequited taps away on his Imperial. Cos out in the outback it’s pretty much colonial and Queen Victoria is still thought to be the sovereign of this wide and mighty land. 

Frank writes;

G’day amigos,

John Allen Paulos’ 1988 book ‘Innumeracy’ opens with:

Two aristocrats are out horseback riding and one challenges the other to see which can come up with the larger number.  The second agrees to the contest, concentrates for a few minutes, and proudly announces, “Three.”  The proposer of the game is quiet for half an hour, then finally shrugs and concedes defeat.

The premise of Paulos’ book is that Innumeracy is in comparison to Illiteracy very underrated as a serious problem in society.

 Two aristocrats when not Horseback Riding, taking the public for a ride instead. 

Let me throw some numbers at you:

Yuendumu police complex built in 2014 at a cost of $ 7600000

US military aid to Ukraine for year ended mid-January 2023 $US 46600000000000

Alleged street value of record Australian drug bust March 2023 $ 1000000000

Australian military aid to Ukraine $ 475000000

Amount pledged by Australian prime minister to help deal with Alice Springs crime wave $250000000

Qantas Dec2022 half year profit $ 1430000000

NT Budget mid 2022 NT Police $ 510000000

At the Coronial inquest the second highest ranking NT policeman talked about efforts to reform NT Policing.  He reckons 300 more personnel are needed as well as $ 500000000 to provide inter alia adequate housing to remote police.

Prisons cost the NT taxpayer $146600000 per annum

Annual cost per adult prisoner in the NT $ 122496

It all makes me feel like an aristocrat on horseback

First Continental prison founded in 1770. A proud day for the Incarceration military Complex.

Multiplication Bobby Daren

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDN_X_En-Ps

Bobbies on bicycles two by two Roger Miller:-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_niLa5xXLm0

Bill Haley & His Comets – Rock Around The Clock (1955) HD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgdufzXvjqw

One for the money, two for the show… Blue suede shoes Elvis Presley

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bdvtJbM2Vg

And Bo Diddley He’s got all the whiskey. No numbers in this song but listen to those musicians!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSQ76ebEO-4

Chau

‘One for the money, Two for the Show’!

Frank

Barbara Windsor of the Royle Family at high tea with other members of the Royle Family, ‘The Krays”. A shoe in for the up-coming coronation.

Dear reader, beyond the profound and far-reaching decision by the Australian Government to deploy Virginal Class Submarines to Australian waters by 2525. We have the startling news that Princess Migraine and Harry have been allowed by decree from an all-white GOD to call their children, lilibet, Sports- bet, Archibold (princess Diana, Lord Mountbatten, scion a horse and Queen Victoria with a bit of Charles the second and the black Prince) with the official gong of ‘Prince and Princess dom’.

This is a win for equal rights, human rights and their chinless brigade.

Another savage blow for those who would wish to bring down the edifice of Saxe Coburg Gotha, now more meekly described as the ‘House of Windsor’. We wanted to get a quote from Barbara Windsor the more celebrated member of the royal family, but sadly she’s karked, it.  But were told by her publicity office to pick up a copy of ‘Big n Bouncy’ July 1972 edition to get a full appraisal on the Windsor assets and future directions.

Information we are sure will propel the AUK-WARD treaty to new heights of interoperability and interlocutory intransigence, per se.

‘Babs” inspects Royal Easter eggs with her equerry Lord Dunt. Coronation GOLD!

But are there bigger issues? The war in Ukraine, the release of Julian Assange, the batting line- up for the fourth test in India?

Sadly there is,

 Our heroes are still trapped, though trapped freely atop a remote New Guinea village. In a village that worships a very close look alike to their nemesis Sophie, (‘there’s another tax payer funded  sinecure  in the offing’) Mirabella, whom, by fate they have trussed and bound in the baggage compartment of their stranded Rotodyne. Not even Benny-boy can help them or his sidekick Julian, because they’re out of range, out of fuel and outta LUCK. How outta there do you have to be?

Find out in the next episode, which is about to start right now.

Arguably Prince Harry has made the Royals more relevant than never before.

‘I dunno’, Terry pulled out another Camel, ‘I don’t like the sound of them drums’.

King Charles going through the tedium of guest lists and an empty crown for the upcoming Coronation.

‘Nor do I’, said Ces.  ‘It’s something about the rhythm, it sounds like a funeral march, or’ Quipped Quient, who had an ear for music,’ the opening bars to Rolfs Two Little Boys. Jeez’! Terry quipped;’ if they know the opening bars to ‘two little boys’ they must be’, he paused as the idea occurred to him, ‘they must be, they must be CIVILISED’!

With that word ‘Civilized” they felt immeasurably reassured, reassured that at that very moment a symbol of civilisation, and good grace the word over, his HRH Prince Andrew might emerge from the jungle in his admiral’s uniform and restore order with a wave of his princely, and white gloved hand.

One can only hope. They listened, the drumming grew louder and louder, until just as the light faded to such an extent that the Sophie like totems began to be obscured by the stygian mists they saw approaching them a small group of people.  And one by one, the assembly grew, and became illuminated, ghostly and ethereal like so many nuns under a pallid spotlight at an ‘All Nun Revue’. There emerged from the gathering throng a woman.

‘If Rider Haggard had written this is still wouldn’t believe it. Nor I’ said Ces as he snatched another Camel from Terry’s fingers. ‘This is fucken, (we apologise for the use of profane language) unbelievable’! For there, right in front of them gathering closer and closer there emerged a woman, a vestigial priestess, dressed in priestly garb. Long slithers of semi-precious metal and bird of paradise plumes. A necklace of exquisitely shrunken skulls, nose-piercings that would make a Goth envious, and though her lips, coated in the darkest of pigments looked menacing, she possessed a set of the most perfect white teeth.

Will Prince Andrew attend the upcoming coronation? Who cares?

‘I don’t believe it’, Quent nudged Ces, ‘it’s the spitting image’, and then, almost by clockwork, a curse from the bundled and trussed Sophie; ‘let me outta here or ill fucken deck youse, strangle youse and use yer dicks for target practice with me slug gun when I get outta here’!

It was the other Sophie, the real one, or the unreal one? We couldn’t tell, and it seemed irrelevant. ‘Anyway, with two Sophie’s, what could be worse’? Ces mused.

‘I dunno’, Terry replied, caustically; ‘two Benny Boy Roberts Smiths, Two Gina’s, two Angus Taylors’?

Terry had a point, two times any of the aforementioned was always gonna be shit whichever way you looked at it.

The native Sophie walked up to the cockpit Perspex we should see her ghostly features, apart from the war paint and the ochre, she was identical to our Sophie. She tapped the Perspex, we waved, kindly to suggest we posed no threat. She smiled back at us.

Will this family of indigenes get an invite to the Royal Galah? Or will it be only handed out, (the selection criteria is immense) to their royal Dingo?

‘So far so good’, Terry murmured,

She tapped again, we tapped back.  She stood back, scratched her forehead and with one wave of her arm, commanded a native to come forward and play a short series of notes on the bongos.

The native played, it sounded familiar.

‘I think they’re trying to communicate’, murmured Ces.

Will members of the Russian Royal family get sorted by their English cousins again?

‘It’s a tune, and its strangely familiar’.

It came to Quent like a thunderclap. He tapped back onto the Perspex. The rhythm, the tune, the evocation all began to crystallise, the opening bars to ‘Two little boys’, Rolfe must have left his mark. We felt profound relief that another Australian had gifted these natives with music and grace.

We all relaxed,

The priestess then smiled again, pointed to us, and then as her faced changed to a menacing leer, she pointed to the shrunken skulls, then back at us, and at that precise moment the drum tempo changed to a more menacing beat.

Will Rolfe get an invite?

Is this their last foxtrot? Will this be their last tango in the Paris-end of Papua? Find out in the next episode; ‘Shrunken or shredded coconuts are best kept in a cool dry place’ or, “Two little boys turned out to be a requiem for three slightly more mature boys.”

We’ve been flooded with calls on background to Robodebt V. 1 which was trialed in Ukraine in the early forties. Was it pure Robo-debt or more a nuanced Analog pre- Robo-debt? And why were the units killed off prior to’ processing’? We can only assume that Robodebt V.1 was poorly executed and lacked central planning as occurred with Robodebt V.2. And besides there’s no one left around from Robodebt V.1 to complain. It happened long ago in a foreign land. And in Australia we’re suspicious of foreigners generally.

Another dispatch from our man on the Northwest frontier.

In this un Frank gives us an insight via Forrest as to why the ‘nays’ may have it.

No it’s not the spring racing carnival, but Forrest’s’ considered opinion on the voice campaign which he reckons is not the full bottle.  No this is not about alcohol restrictions in the Alice, but a dispassionate reasoning as to why the voice might just be another tokenistic exercise.  And we in the editorial department of pcbycp understand tokenism. Just as we understand that the Federal Labor Governments climate policy is not all that different from the Coalition’s.  There is a difference. It’s their policy rather than the Coalition’s.

An update on Stuart Robert’s grandfather, who played the role of Dracula in the JC Williamsons, popular ‘ blood from stone’. We think this inspired Stuart to propel Robodebt onto the Australian citizenry.

So its bad climate policy ‘NICE’. Just as the voice might be Tokenism ‘Nice’. And Forrest reminds us that both policies are the brainchild of the Coalition.

What is there to worry about then?

And who can be bothered to read the one print? Just as in Robo-debt, its left to the bean counters to ‘ trust us’. And in trust there is a politician?

We also believe in Bunyips, Unicorns and the Easter Bunny.

Frank writes;

Hola todos,

Kev did solve homelessness. Credit where it’s due.

Hi folks

I happily gave permission for Frank to copy from a private correspondence I had with him.  Keeping in with the theme of trust I’m happy to tell you I trust Frank totally.

I thought I’d follow up with this missive to you all.  What I wrote, and that which Frank copied and sent out, is silent on being in support of, or opposed to, the Voice initiative.  In nothing that he copied can be found any hint of my position on the initiative.

For what it is worth my position is that I oppose the Voice initiative because in part:

·       It relies completely on the goodwill of the Parliament but Parliament has proved it must not be trusted to act in good faith with our first nations peoples, it has proved this many times over the years since Federation;

Kev always kept his genius for over-statement under his scholastic cap.

·       If the referendum passes I believe Parliament will deliver a very bitter disappointment to our first nations peoples and those of us who support them, and while it might not do so at the first chance it gets to break faith it will do so within a rather short term;

·       If the referendum passes it will be up to the parliament to completely design how the Voice will work, what matters the Voice can provide advice on and who the people will be on the Voice and how and where from they are chosen.

The Voice initiative is an initiative originally of the Federal Liberal/Nat coalition government.  The Voice initiative, its terms and conditions were set by Government as advised by an expert panel, only some of whom were indigenous and none of whom were elected by indigenous people.  This is not a grass roots initiative.

Parliament remains a very active agent of the ongoing colonisation of Australia.

Parliament has not repudiated its agency as an active agent of colonization..

Parliament can’t be trusted because it serves a very different master.

If our first nations peoples decide to proceed with the referendum I will vote Yes, and hope like hell that I am wrong in my assessment of parliament.

Still ungrateful for all we’ve done for them.

Keep well everybody.

Forrest

All that is left for me is to select some nice music to make this dispatch true to label

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fvxx8cIdn4 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSCOpnJvi6g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Brp8Va8XVQw&t=2s

Hasta la próxima

And in the long run, medals for those who do the HEAVY LIFTING!                              LIFTING…. NOT…. LEANING!

 

Frank

And that’s just the cost of the software. His mates gleaned shit-loads more and no tender required. ‘Mates Rates’ the first plank of Parliamentary Principle.

Incredibly this upcoming piece is not a eulogy for Stuart Robert.

Though we acknowledge his sterling performance at the Robodebt enquiry and his stand on principle we are unable, (due to the exigencies of losing our editorial staff to Twitter, and our publicity department to News Corp are ) to say we need more men of his character in government. Stuart nailed it when he said more or less, ‘there was no place for compassion or fairmindedness or honesty in the parliamentary process’. As long as he acted as a good cabinet man.’

Being another ‘Ambitious Queenslander’ Stewie is practiced in the art of ‘Statesmanship’.

Befehl ist befehl’ as we used to say in the Einsatzcommando. We were pretty busy in Ukraine way back till we ran outta ‘units’ to process, and for Tulgey and ol Stewie, that’s the way they look at it. If they’d been allowed to process all the ‘units’ by Robodebt, there’d be no dole bludgers or welfare slobs left. It’s a plank of Coalition policy. Punish those who cant defend themselves. And whilst you’re at it, give contracts to all your mates who deserve it for going to the right schools having the right connections and wearing the right tie. And they stand by it on principle.   But this is not about Robodebt and its clarity of objective, which you’ve gotta hand it to Tudgey and his mates, dealing with welfare bludgers via a robot is pretty fucking funny. And who said? Like their climate policy, the Coalition don’t have a sense of humour.

This is about a more vexed question. Will our trio survive the naked jungle of New Guinea. One moment the arid wastes, (not Canberra but central Australia) and now the steaming jungle.

Will principle save our trio? Poised perilously perpendicular prior to prescient portentous potentialities pursuant to the perilous process of predetermined perfidy. Or will they just walk on into the sunset?

Find out in this next thrilling episode as they alone, must fight the forces arranged against them and against all the odds survive.

Stewie’s granddad used to do bit parts on late night telly.

We find out heroes still cocooned inside the stationary Rotodyne. Sophie exalted member of the Fair Work Commission still trussed and bound as a bargaining chip of sorts. And the realisation that for the arid wastes of central Australia, they have not landed at the Ubud writers festival in Bali but have blown off course and landed somewhere on a mountain in West Papua. The very end point of civilisation itself. (The editorial staff would like to qualify that statement, Civilisation any place on this remote earth not graced yet with Sportsbet 365 or Bet connect 24/7.)

‘I dunno Fellas, I don’t like the look of this. If their goddess has an unlikely appearance to Sophie’, Terry pointed with the tip of his nicotine finger to Sophie, still kicking and screaming in the baggage compartment; ‘What does that make the natives?  I mean if they worship her sort, will they be compassionate natives or bloodthirsty head-hunter killer types, devoid of empathy, compassion and love as our ol mate Benny Boy is about knocking off Afghani’s?

‘It could be just a coincidence’, quipped Quent. ‘She may look like Sophie’, they looked at the totems rising ominously around the nearest hut, ‘but it would be unlikely that THEIR Sophie is half as mean as hours, I mean it stands to reason. Just as there’s only one Donald, or Vladimir, (Quent was always even-handed) the chance of finding another sociopath who looks and thinks exactly the same is about ,a million to one’.

Stewie’s compassionate look. PURE GOLD!

‘I agree’, Ces replied. ‘This Sophie is unique. I reckon it’s one of a kind. It’s too incredible to believe that there’d be two Sophie’s. That’s just inconceivable. We’re just assuming from stereotype’s. Stereotypes borne by watching to many Jungle Jim and Tarzan movies to understand that these might be passive natives? They may worship somebody who looks like Sophie? (we all winced) who’s a completely different person. She could be the spirit of an ancient missionary, who is being celebrated for her good deeds’?  Ces paused, as he reflected Quent piped in, ‘or a missionary who was best served with garlic and a sprinkle of salt’.  We all winced inwardly. We did not like the thought of culinary prerequisites in the more remote parts of New Guinea.

‘We don’t know who this bloody thing is, not where we bloody are, and why we bloody landed, but I’m for getting out of here’! Terry exclaimed, as he gave the starter a kick. ‘There’s still a bit of fuel in the emergency tank, we might just get off this bloody mountain and get to safer ground than find out? Whether we’re first or second course on the menu’? Ces replied sarcastically.

‘But with Sophie on board we may have a chance’ Ces tried to reassure his colleagues. ‘Buckleys from my perspective’, added Terry, ‘this doesn’t look friendly, and besides where are the bloody natives’?

We peered from the foggy Perspex and agreed, no welcoming party, no flowers, no reception committee, nothing.  ‘Well I spose nothing is better than being cooked’. Ces tried to be as optimistic as possible as the light began to dim with the encroaching twilight.

Stewie’s ‘Statesmanship Look’. He’s almost human.

It was just then, we heard the drums beating.

And it weren’t a syncopated rhythm either. It was the portentous sound, the ominous sound, the worrying sound of drums that suggested that they might be on the menu tonight.

Will they be on the menu?

Will it be a la carte, or all you can eat?

Only the drums can tell. And they lack a clear and precise vocabulary.

Find out in the next percussive episode, ‘the drumbeat at the end of the line has non bongo section’, or ‘ten tom toms, till tea-time’. Either way, there may be no set menu at this establishment.

Robodebt V.1 was trialled in the Ukraine in the early 1940’s. After a promising start there were just not enough trench-diggers and bullets to complete the job. This inspired Stewie after extensive research for greater efficiencies and the potential of Robodebt v.2 and ‘a gas- led’ recovery.

The Warlpiri Encyclopaedic Dictionary opens to packed audiences in The West End………… of western Sydney.

Dear reader,

Talk about ‘ides of March’, but the truth is we’ve been flat chat just keeping pace with the stunning and radical reforms the current government is making to Carbon and Super. We live in an era of revolution!!

But this one from Frank is so to the point were not going to try and stretch it out, cos its BIG, PORTENTOUS, and EPIC!  But this just once, now we’ve said ‘Epic’…. this is for the nostalgia fans amongst us.

‘Epic’ theatre for youngsters

Frank writes;

 

Kameraden,

Rohald Dahl’s most famous quote is A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men.

Not to be cherished is the humongous nonsense controversy which has broken out over the rewriting of his words more than three decades after Dahl’s death.  Where will it end?  Are we to obliterate Shylock and the Hunchback of Notre-Dame from literature?  But I’ll say no more about this. I have other fish to fry.

Almost three years ago the world was taught a lesson in empathy and how to deal with a crisis.  I recall Jacinda Ardern. saying she would not use the name of the person who had perpetrated the atrocious mass murder. The result is that that narcissistic psychopath is now locked up in deserved oblivion.

A bit late, but I.too will henceforth refrain from using Yuendumu’s own narcissistic psychopath’s name.

Unlike the Christchurch killer ours was found not guilty and enjoys the support of sections of the media and thousands of Facebook followers.  Go figure.

On a brighter note, next Wednesday, the Warlpiri Encyclopaedic Dictionary will be launched at Yuendumu School.

And now to the theme of this Dispatch- Asymmetry.

There is asymmetric warfare. I won’t delve into the countless examples of this such as in contemporary conflicts in the Middle East.  It is the asymmetric relationship between colonizer and colonized that my friend Forrest Holder recently wrote about.  It is so relevant to our situation in Yuendumu that without further ado I herewith render some of what he wrote

The relationship between our first nations peoples and:

•       the settlers;

•       our settler governments; and

•       the settler state’s mainstream institutions

is asymmetrical.

A most current example of this asymmetry is the asymmetry of trust writ loud in the public debate between the Yes and No sides of the Voice referendum.

The foundation document for the Yes campaign is the Statement From The Heart.  Central to this Statement, indeed embodied within the Statement, is trust.

It is a trust held by the first nations peoples in the good will, honesty and reliability of Parliament.

Indeed this trust by the first nations people in Parliament is foundational to their cause because without Parliament’s good will the Voice must fail and along with that the hopes and aspirations invested by the first nations peoples in this cause will be to no end.

On the other hand the foundational position for many of the No campaign is distrust.  The No campaigners do not trust the first nations peoples when they say the Voice will, indeed can only, be an advisory position put to Parliament which Parliament will be absolutely free to accept, accept in part or reject completely.

The No campaigners don’t trust our first nations peoples, preferring to believe instead that if enshrined the Voice will become an enforceable burden on Parliament, a burden foisted onto parliament by the High Court.

The No campaigners don’t trust that the Langton/Calma Report provides sufficient detail, despite the fact that it is very detailed.  Instead they make unsupported statements that the Yes campaign lacks detail.  They infer the Yes campaign can’t be trusted and that somehow there is a hidden agenda lurking away in the background.

In a nutshell the thrust of many in the No campaign is that blackfellas can’t be trusted.

Their lack of trust is without base, it is totally unfounded and unwarranted.  Never in our history have our first nations peoples been faithless or untrustworthy in their dealings with Government and the Parliament.

The lack of trust expressed by a solid core of the No campaigners is absent of any reason that they have in historical fact.  It is akin to paranoia, but I believe it has its roots in the bigotry of racism.

On the other hand our first nations peoples have many reasons to lack trust; our Parliament has broken faith with our first nations peoples many, many times.  Here are just four examples:

•       Governments around Australia refused to implement the recommendations of the Royal Commission into Aboriginal Deaths in Custody, deaths in custody continue to rise nationwide;

•       Parliament failed to deliver the Social Justice Package which was the promised third core element of the settlement first nations peoples negotiated with Parliament following the Mabo decision;

•       Howard’s parliament broke more promises made by the Parliament on native title with the amendments he put through in 1996.  They gutted the Native Title Act, enacted “bucket loads” of extinguishment and severely weakened the already weak rights first nations peoples had under the right to negotiate;

•       Howard’s parliament completely ignored the recommendations of the Little Children are Sacred Report and instead sent the army in to take over Aboriginal communities.  I will not go into the very lengthy detail of exactly how Howard’s parliament legislatively overrode and interfered with the rights and interests of Aboriginal people in the NT, but the effect of the intervention put government in control of the very minute details of the lives of Aboriginal people.

NOTE Parliament had to suspend the Racial Discrimination Act so it would not apply to the legislative actions taken by Howard’s government.  Parliament had to do so because the actions were racist and would have been struck down by the RDA had it not been suspended.  This was done in the full glare of the public and the Media.

 Why was there no national revolt at such draconian and racist acts by our national government?????

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9TsbC9oAfo&t=2s

Sorry folks,

Here is an antidote to that song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVHOqrw3Jks

and one more

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpW07HDd22I

Peace on Bougainville

(If you haven’t seen it I recommend you watch the film Mr. Pip. You won’t regret it.)

That’s enough for now,

Auf wieder sehen

Bertold Brecht premieres ‘A Town like Malice’ at the ‘Camp Rolfe’, (formerly Yuendumu) Tivoli. Due to unforeseen circumstances, the play which was named ‘EPIC’ was moved to the west end of West Berlin to packed audiences. Being in German there were obscure references of subtlety, idiom and satire which were lost to a Australian Audience. The play is to be re-released to Australian Audiences as ‘Picnic at Hanging Rolfe’, an all-star revue with walk on cameos from the creme de creme of Australian theatre, Stuart Robert MP, Scott Morrison, Tudgey, etc

Frank

—

Dear reader, another un from Frank.

Political spin. Did it have anything to do with Carparks in Coalition electorates? ‘Tudgey’, was big on spin. A sad loss to ‘spinsters’ everywhere.

In this un, Frank puts a half light on those who profess to be something they aren’t. This may have something to do with political spin. We’re not sure if political spin runs clockwise or counterclockwise. Suffice to say it’s always spinning, and like the fan, there’s (in spite of intense scrutiny and checks and balances), a tendency for the centrifugal deflection of excrement. 

But we know with the vexed issue of Aboriginal Australia, there’s always another shocking, deeply and profoundly shocking revelation that stokes the fires of indignation. And with indignation comes the pleasant reassurance of knowing that we are superior. And if we were just a little bit more honest with ourselves; smug. 

There’s entitlement in smugness. 

Anyway, here’s Frank, who tells it how it is…

Tovariches,

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. 

H.  L.  Mencken 1921

In 2007 it was the appearance of Mal Brough staffer Gregory Andrews as an Anonymous Youth Worker on the ABC’s Lateline program which helped spark the Northern Territory Emergency Response aka The Intervention.  Gregory’s allegations have since been debunked and his true identity exposed. This hasn’t reversed his appearance’s perpetual effect on the stereotype of Aboriginal men as sexual predators.

Fast forward to 2023. With Peta Credlin on Sky News and Karl Stefanovic on Channel Nine’s Today Show leading the charge, Rachel Hale was featured as an Alice Springs based Remote Area nurse. Rachel inter alia alleged that the reason Aboriginal children were roaming the streets of Alice Springs at night was that they didn’t want to go home because they would be raped. Hale’s allegations have since been debunked and her true identity exposed.  This hasn’t reversed her appearance’s perpetual effect on the stereotype of Aboriginal men as sexual predators.

I started my career as a wellsite geologist working for consultant firm Cundill Meyers and Associates.  Nelson Meyers told me that at a Queensland oil exploration wellsite a character turned up with a black box.  The black box contained a fail proof petroleum detection device and it was for sale.  Nels was not prepared to buy it unless he was told how it worked.  It was a secret the character was not prepared to divulge.  No deal.  If I had been there I would have offered to swap it for the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

Last Tuesday ASIO boss Mike Burgess in a well publicised speech warned that Australia was being targeted by unprecedented spying activity and that ASIO had successfully dealt with this.  Like the character with the black box, Mike was not prepared to reveal how ASIO worked.  Like Nels I’m not buying it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSBYAKdiUno Spy, Who can you trust? (Indeed)

This is not fiction:

A few days ago Rachel Hale pleaded guilty in the Darwin local court to three charges

1.    Forgery

2.    Making a false declaration

3.    Using a carriage service to harass

As I understand it Rachel carried out a six month campaign of harassment against her beauty salon Alice Springs competitor.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx9Anj0WS4I&t=22s Courtney Barnett- theme song from Harriet the Spy

Na zdorovie,

Pandora had a black box, she didn’t like the colour, painted it gold and she found herself in serious trouble.

Frank

Zac Rolfe’s heroic deeds may have been influenced by ‘High Noon”. In which the posse shrank till in the end, he STOOD ALONE FOR JUSTICE!

Dear reader,

occasionally we get something unusual in our in-box. And though this is not strictly a dispatch, it comes to us from Frank. Our much-respected scribe from the near far distant (relatively speaking) NORTH!

We think this may be a fragment of Frank’s upcoming second volume of anecdotes and analysis. This one, apart from being an amusing story poses the question of how to best represent a posse.

Zac may have been inspired by ‘The Seven Samurai’?

Being tutored in such classic as ‘High Noon’, and ‘The Seven Samurai’, we knew a posse to consist of a group of committed upholders of the law. Committed to JUSTICE!  In this instance we urge you, we implore and recommend you, read Zachary Rolfe’s departing letter to Australia which lists the injustices he has suffered in ‘ Upholding the Right”!

The fact that a man of such calibre is leaving and has been asked to resign from the NT Police, indicates the struggle endured by tall poppies. And in Zach’s own words; ” I should’ve won medals for my work at ‘Camp Rolfe’, (Formerly Yuendumu). The problem as we see it, for all Zach’s sacrifice, the powers to be, are UNGRATEFUL! Just like the First Australians. Ungrateful for ALL THE GOOD WE’VE DONE FOR THEM!

As kids we learnt that the TEXAS RANGERS were all ‘ Good Ol Boys’ committed to serving JUSTICE!

It seems for his act of courage, and all the good he’s done, he’s a man in exile. Forced to leave our shores in exile for the crime of public opprobrium. We at pcbycp have a deep well of sympathy for people like Zac, who are clearly misunderstood.

Like our national Hero Ben Roberts Smith, they are being shellacked for doing their duty, for finding and seeking out ne’er do-well’s who are not cogniscent of the Don’s batting average and are guilty of thought crimes against Australia. Zach was only doing his duty and now he is a broken man, with barely a prime ministerial type pension for life and a lifetime to commit his travails, (in the tradition of the ‘Count of Monte Christo’) to memoir.

Franks memoir speaks of a different era, when stories were passed on, and we left it to the imagination, not the Murdoch press to create images in the minds-eye.

Other Posses, (as depicted here in the historically accurate “Birth of a Nation”) liked to dress up in white robes and funny hats. GOD and JUSTICE for a ‘nicer and WHITER world’.

We bring you this fragment and hope that Frank gets his message across, and though his cause may be noble, he may not, as Zach so vociferously proclaimed, earn more medals for his self-sacrifice. ‘A white mans burden’? We may ask…

Frank writes….

The posse

A deputation of older men came to see me when Japangardi’s young third wife ran away.  They came to borrow the Mining Company Land Rover to give chase.  Nampijinpa had eloped with a visiting Pitjantjatjarra preacher.  “See dad, you can’t trust a Pitjantjatjarra.” said Japanangka, Japangardi’s younger son.

They looked just like one of those bands of rebels bristling with weapons one sees on television cruising in an open Toyota through some unfortunate North African town.  Only the Yuendumu contingent was armed with spears and boomerangs, instead of Kalashnikovs.

The pcbycp media department chose to depict a series 2 Land Rover Ute.

Finding a runaway couple in amongst the then 15,000 population of Alice Springs was an impossible task.  After a few days Japangardi and his posse decided that further effort was futile and sold their weapons to tourists.  They used the proceeds to get drunk to celebrate the powerful symbolic assertion of Japangardi’s rights they had made.

The main lesson they learned from this episode is that you can’t trust a Pitjantjatjarra.  Nor can you trust a preacher.

FDB

Ideally suited to hot and dry conditions land Rovers performed sterling service, ‘as long as it didn’t rain’, (Lucas Electrics)