‘Bingo night at the Dalrymple RSL is quite the event’
We had such high expectations, but strangely it all went awry.
Dandiwallop and Stiffington compete in last years Grand Final.
Usually, and I can say this with some confidence Bingo night at the Dalrymple RSL is quite the event. And when I say quite the event, I can say without exaggeration it’s probably bigger than the flower show or the art show put together. And Dorrie Allcock says it’s even bigger than the muscular dystrophy charity tractor-pull event put on by the Apex and Rotary. I mean people come from as far afield as Dunt and Randybollock West. Though I must confess nothing competes with the Dalrymple Grand Final put on at the Prince of Wales Show-grounds. That’s a truly national event. Last year it was between Dandiwallop and Stiffington, and I’m afraid to say that when the ‘stiffies’ won, the town went a little berserk. Thy take their football seriously in Dalrymple. And we hadn’t seen such a spectacle since Dalrymple defeated Effing in the firsts and the seconds way back in 98.
But now he’s (Rolf) is in a bit of strife we’ve been doing Alf Tomkins and his Gerry Gee doll, ‘Willie’.
Well Bingo night is special. We get that nice man from Myora, to do the numbers. He’s got such a nice voice, and we like to have an interval, (it can get quite heated) when some of the local talent likes to put on a bit of show. It’s a real rip snorter I can tell you. For years past it was Clarrie Knobton doing a a Rolf Harris number. His ‘Jake the Peg’ would have us in stitches and Des Kunk and his boys would join in on the piano and ukelele. But now he’s (Rolf) is in a bit of strife we’ve been doing Alf Tomkins and his Gerry Gee doll, ‘Willie’. It’s guaranteed a laugh and everyone goes home satisfied, that the usual high standards are met. It’s good family fun, and there’s nothing blue about the humour which is always appreciated by the ladies present.
Recently though, we’ve had some problems.
Ladies of the Dalrymple RSL Auxilliary
I spose it was ever since Bertie Tonks got dumped from the auxiliary. Bertie is very civic minded, but he tends to take it all a bit over the top. He has this authoritative streak. I think that’s because he’s a Catholic. Dad says it cos he was a bit wet behind the ears, and came back with a chip on both shoulders after he’d come back from the big smoke and chucked it in after being a jesuit. They’re nice people the Tonk’s, but very religious. In the bush, they go either one way or the other. We decided we’d had enough when he suggested that the parking attendants wear uniforms. Then he suggested the school kiddies perform a guard of honour for the bingo announcer Mr Snell. And the final straw was when he demanded the the ladies auxiliary drill! Ridiculous, but he wouldn’t let it go. He’d say things like ‘Debt and derelict disaster’ about the hall upkeep, and ‘Stop the Notes’, when the agenda was sent round. Eventually we’d had enough! Told him to stay away from the auxiliary and we gave the job to Morrie Krinklade, who runs the local bank.
The old pie warmer was getting on, but in hindsight we should’ve kept it!!
We knew then we were putting the affairs of the hall and the bingo into a safe pair of hands. But to our dismay, no sooner had we got Morrie on the job, than he began to make things a bit complicated. He wanted to see the auxiliary accounts, and then demanded we stump up fifty quid to upgrade the hot water system. Then the final straw was he said he’d stump up funds for a new pie warmer, urn and P.A system. It cost a bomb. Took several months to arrive, in which we were P.A-less. And then we discovered the PA wouldn’t work. Not much better than a megaphone says Clarrie. The pie warmer was dodgy, fried instead of warmed, and the urn gave everyone an electric shock. And then finally when the Bingo night came, he was nowhere to be seen. We had volunteers racing all over the place, till Jess Mouldtart told us he’d gone home to watch ‘Australias funniest home video’ and wouldn’t come out.
To be quite frank, in hindsight we’d have been better off with Bertie. But it’s too late now. The night was a disaster. We’re now a laughing stock, and we’d been assured by Phonse Wangel that Morrie would be a ‘sure thing’. Even after the debacle, Morrie says he’s quite confident that we’ll be able to get the pie warmer back for a refund, but the rest of the entertainment committee has lost faith in him. Worse still he never thanked the auxiliary for filling in when he didn’t turn up on the night. And when he did turn up he berated all the volunteers, and blamed the public for the pie debacle.
Nothing wrong with the old urn either!!!
Dorrie thinks that the problem is with Morrie is that he forgot about all the ‘little people’. Bertie says he’s just a dick-head.
Clarrie says he wont do it next year. I asked Doris and she’s lost her appetite for pie warmers and will just stick with sausages. A pity, but then on Bingo night, you never ever can be sure who’s numbers will turn up. If it’s a fizzer we’ll just have to wait till the next Bingo night. And the way the mood is in the auxiliary that wont, be long either.