If you’re from the LNP or Minerals and Energy and you’re looking for funding, Nev ‘ll give you a hearty handshake and ‘GDAY’. New is always OPEN FOR BUSINESS for his MATES!!!

Advice for government staffers in approving Corona Commission funds. 

Once again, it is timely that we at pcbycp have been called to put a light on the vexed issue of awarding contracts. Some confusion has arisen on the appropriateness of funds transfer and awarding large government contracts without the normal tender requirements. We have been inundated with calls from various bureaucrats in minsteries confused as to how to allocate priority funding, and further complexities arising as to whether the funding is deemed worthy. 

If you’re from Science or Arts Nev will give you the cold shoulder, the raw prawn, and the brush-off!

Clearly there is a breakdown in the apparatus. With the  appointment of Nev as chair, it was assumed that all funding would seamlessly go to either mining or any other related fossil fuel industry. This was stipulated right at the begining when we drew up the first memorandum of understanding between ourselves and the Federal Government. 

Readers might like to know, (it always provides colour to a dull adminstrative process to add a personal perspective)

Nev, like his mates in mining and the Coalition HATE ARTY TYPES!

At the time we were delighted that the Morrison Government asked for our input, and in reflection it seems exctraordinary that as a consequence of our request to waiver 55.55 from our land tax because we require briquettes to heat our hot water. (We have a DUX Briquette hot water service purchased in the late fifties as a contingency against expensive gas and electric systems available at the time). The government was so kind to see that as small consumers of coal as our principal source of energy, we were worthy of a seat at the table.  We were delighted to be gven the time to chat with Nev, though he was busy on the phone with Gina and Twiggy in ensuring that all Commonwealth Covid funds were diverted to billionaires. Still, we felt valued as taxpayers and just ordinary citizens in that “Little us” were given a hearing. That’s how democracy works. Sometimes even the littlest prawns, (deliberate mis-spelling for dramatic emphasis) can be part of the lobbying process. It just proves you don’t have to be filthy-rich all the time to craft government policy. 

So we left the Commission and felt assured that like the Federal Governments Energy policy it would run seamlessly. 

Nev promised to smile for the pcbycp photographer. But on condition he could get to the priceless native mosaic with an axe and do a “Rio Tinto” to it.

Hence our shock when we’ve since been innundated with requests from Department heads to vet funding applications. 

And it BORES us to remind them of the simple process.  PLEAE READ CAREFULLY!

1 If the organisation is directly associated with current or ex-members of the Liberal party, Or National (COAL PARTY) their funding should be aproved forthwith.

2 If the applicant is allied to fossil fuels, mining or Murdoch, as in the Great Barrier Reef Foundation, they should be granted at the very least half a billion dollars for just being ‘good sports’. 

Nev’s over-reach moment. Just cos he was sending taxpayer funds to millionaires didn’t mean he was good enough to play in the Australia eleven. After negotiation via an impartial broker, (Rio-Tinto) Nev was tasked with hauling the drinks cart onto the field.

3 If the applicant is already stupendously wealthy, and a direct donor to the Liberal party, the Minerals and Energy Council or even Clive Palmer, their funding should be a given. 

4 If the applicant has no documentation, the tender is inadmissable, and the project unfathomable, and perhaps even an elaborate corporate fraud, their application should be approved forthwith, and the Directors of the scheme nominated for Orders of Australia for services to the handicapped, poor, or any other disdvantaged group deemed worthy of charity and unallocated funds, which may be ‘evarporated’ due to admistrative costs. 

Nev is passionate to have his new map of Australia with the FMG logo, become standard school issue.

5 Any allocation, that proposes allocation to original research, technology, science, the environment or humanities must be shelved and the applicant pursued for tax evasion, jay- walking, aboriginality or any other crime that may exclude them for the funding process. 

Nev poses with the ‘REAL LEADER’ of Australia.

We hope this advice is useful and regret that once again, the public at large and the bureaucracy iteslf don’t understand yet, how taxpayer funds are invested for the publics own good. And for their own good to withold the right to know how and why!

It’s unimportant, and NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!