The Impeccably dressed Minister for Innovation the Rt. Hon. Christopher Pyne. M.P, demonstrating his Clark Kent X Ray glasses, developed by the new industry orientated CSIRO) on the floor of parliament. He subsequently became aware of the truth that the few female members of the front bench had borrowed part of his lingerie collection, “without asking”!!

CSIRO Climate Science Oblivion, The secret reasons why?

Dear reader, you’ve recently been aware of the recent decision by the Federal Government, led by it’s impeccably dressed Minister for Science and Innovation, the Rt Hon Christopher, Pyne, presumedly at the behest of the ‘Prime Minister for Innovation’, the Rt Hon Malcolm Turnbull to cut, destroy, decimate the entire apparatus of climate research at the CSIRO.

And you may have heard the chief scientist Mr Larry, (Lazza to his mates) Marshall on the reasoning behind this amputation of research, and it goes like this: I paraphrase; “Look here youse guys, the jury is in, (all excepting Rupert and the front bench) we recognise that further climate research is bunk. We’ll leave the science now to schools and other institutions, and perhaps take up the initiative promised by our friends in the Minerals and Energy Council to roll out coal-fired weather stations in Milk Bars and Tram Stops. We know the climate is changing, but we need to move on and produce stuff that people need in the future, like cigarette lighters that glow in the dark, and stubby holders that are self cooling. (demonstrates prototypes to press throng). These are the things that industry needs, and wasting all this time and money on research is getting us NOWHERE!! Look where manufacturing got us? We need to be more outcomes oriented, moving forward!! And, that’s why we’re working with our friends in VLine, to perfect the first ever square wheel’.

But, dear reader, though Mr Marshall’s plans and statement are laudable, they hide a sinister reality. A reality of a programme that goes to the ‘toppest’ top of executive power. Even the P.M himself is by association implicated.

CSIRO Scientists and technicians test firing the first prototype AHSCSJDSV.

Unbeknown to the Minister and the Head Scientist, the research wing of the transportation section of the CSIRO, has diverted funds from climate science Into the Top Secret AHSCSJDSV, (The Advanced High Speed Cardinal Submarine Justice Deep Sea Delivery Vehicle). To the shock of senators, Abetz, Bernardii, and Andrews, work had proceeded to the point where they, (the scientists at the CSIRO) have actually developed a fully working prototype. As the scientists, (who are now sacked) testified; (in secret hearings) “How can you have working, environmental and earth systems research when you have such gross inequities in human capital. Unless we eliminate or bring the worst offenders to justice, we cannot reconcile disparities and hideous abuses of power within the context of maintaining healthy functioning ecosystems and and sharing equitably nature’s resources. To this end we developed the (AHSCSJDSV). If we hadn’t been uncovered by all these audits designed to destroy the climate science and thinking, we would never have been found out, and Pell, would be bought to account. Consequently all people in Australia, including the Indigenous Australians, would know that environmental, ecological and social justice must happen in union. One cannot co exist without the other’, Its axiomatic, really’.

The prototype AHSCSJDSDV undergoing sea trials at the CSIRO research facility at the Werribee Treatment Plant prior to transhipment to Venice.

Novitiates practising on correct record player speeds in testing confessional laboratory. (Location Classified).

CSIRO research technicians trialling the ‘Peephole’ observation apparatus. This external prototype suit was modified for  a ‘fully internal probing and visualisation’ apparatus..

Early prototype indicating ” fiddling levers and wheels”, discarded in favour of the simpler gramophone player mechanism. Note original prototype peephole and confessional access in centre of image.

We at PCBYCP have been leaked drawings of the (AHSCSJDSDV) and it’s remarkable how thorough the research and development had been. It’s is submarine-like, but the overall impression is of a gondola. Apparently, though too ill to travel beyond Italy, the Cardinal is frequently on visits to Bologna, Naples, Trieste, lake Como, St Moritz, Paris, Venice, Vienna, Salzburg, Prague, (when it’s nice in the spring) and the healing waters of Baden Baden and Venice. It’s a remarkable feat of engineering, the design planned to lure the Cardinal when in Venice, by playing, behind a screen within a elaborately carved canopy, a rendition of the Children’s boys choir singing ave maria, at 77.4 rpm. “We knew that the Cardinal, hearing the slightest of dissonance in the recording would be lured to the canopy, enter the airlock mechanism, (nicknamed ‘the confessional’) and tinker with the control mechanism of the record player. Like all his ilk when hearing young boys, he cannot resist the temptation to fiddle with the controls, and his fiddling obsession would lure him thus. Then once the airlock doors closed, he would naturally see the periscope installed in the aft compartment, we call this ‘the Peep hole’, and irresistibly, as habit is strong in this type, he would put his eye to the peep hole and see with indescribable pleasure a hologram worked up by our cybernetics department of himself at the gates of heaven. Promised by the obligation to keep his eyes shut until further instructed by GOD. This process referred to our research scientists as “turning the blind eye” would render the Cardinal in a sustained meditative state, until such time as Australia was reached. Then this audio of harps would play, and the recording of the boys choir amplified at the correct speed, 78 rpm. Thinking and encouraged to look at the peep hole the Cardinal would press the “reward for sustained obedience and secrecy in services to God’ lever, and be jettisoned, by ejector seat, (‘the ejaculating novitiate’) into this parabolic arc, and via ‘gravitron impulse’ into the front row of the Royal Commission. It was timed to perfection.

We’d chosen Australia Day as being significant for some, and thought we would be able to reconcile Australians to this nasty fragment of their past. But now sadly tis all undone. We’re reconciled to a research-less CSIRO as punishment. The government will blame climate science, and the PM for Innovation will get his wish’. And what’s that we asked?, a Sainthood? “No the nucleus of a new submarine fleet, and a runabout to use on state occasions in Sydney Harbour for state occasions of great significance. You know Royal Tours and visiting cricket teams’. And what is this ship of state to be called? ‘Oh that’s a No-brainer, HMAS Ideologue’.