Dear reader,
We leave our saga of our heroes Ces, Quent, Terry and their sidekick, the indomitable and highly decorated hero of Afghanistan, Fat Ladies and burying USBs in his backyard Benny-boy Roberts Smith, to give you an insightful update on the upcoming Federal election. With only days away the Tweedle Dum, Tweedle Dee contest is getting to the pointy end. And so far, as far as we can tell there has yet, ( safety first) not been one slither, an inkling, a crack of imagination from both parties.
We asked our in-house psephologist, Alan Tudge what he thought of the chances of one imaginative idea ever surfacing and his comments were insightful.
Tweedle Dee is trying to harness the womens vote against Tweedle Dum
‘Look here fellas talking about imagination is the last thing this bloody nation needs. We’ve got hedge funds, franking credits, negative gearing, and tax breaks for high income earners and the fact that no one under the age of forty is ever going to be able to buy a home. That’s enough for just starters. Why then for fucks sake, ( Tudgey said this with almost as much emphasis as he did when he kicked his former press secretary out of bed) would we want to introduce the Trojan horse of Imagination into the mix? What fucken planet are you on? The public consistently for three decades have told us they don’t like imagination. It’d be like wheeling Barry Jones onto the stage and giving him another crack about the future, or getting that rat-bag Flannery to bang on about climate or even worse, someone like Ken Henry to bang on about tax reform. These ideas about imagination are bat-shit crazy!! No! Take my word leave it to Tweedle dum and Tweedle dee. They’ll not upset the public, and look, this is gonna be a tight race, we’ve enough on or hands trying to bury our treatment of Sheilah’s in parliament and you want to introduce unknown knowns.
Tudgey’s talent, Robo-debt auto-bot on trial.
Take it from me. Don’t mess with what we quaintly and euphemistically refer to as ‘democracy’. Keep it in the safe keeping of superannuation firms, big business and pollies who work hard for the lobbyists like Barnaby Joyce. At least that was we can pick the right people on the board of the ATT, The Fair Work Commission, and Sophie and Dutto can all look to a slice of the pie into the future. Thats how you grow prosperity, not on some fucking ideological delusion that the ‘trickle down effect’ is gonna make a wit of difference from people who don’t even know how to thank us for not punishing them more. Robodebt was my brainchild, and I gotta tell you after a few had topped emselves they’ve learnt their lesson, to be content with what we dish out to them. It’s why I whip the dog, kick the Sheila outta bed, and slap em round a bit, it keeps em keen’!
Both Tweedles follow NSW Rugby, which is sorta like footy
And besides, there’s always gonna be winners and losers. If you’re a loser its cos you’re lazy and never had a crack’.
We are indebted to Tudgey for this insightful insight and only hope that the electorate do the right thing and endorse Tudgey or at the very least the UAP who have the catchy slogan ‘freedom freedom freedom’ as their bond of good governance. Change at this time would be dangerous. And besides with some back benchers we’ve never heard of owning upwards of twenty investment properties it would cause a market crash if ever we did anything about parliamentary lurks and negative gearing.
Is this negative, is this nihilistic.. Not really, just real politic.
Real politic is when you’ve got two pollies who think, talk, and act the same,
Real politic is when both parties asylum seeker policies are cruel and vindictive
Tweedle Dum has the advantage of Clean Coal.
Real politic is when you by necessity must keep the prison and judicial system processing indiginies
Change is dangerous unless it’s ‘plus ca change’.
Plus ca change? The promise of a bit of cash in the pocket. That’s an election winning formula.
These blokes have strong appeal to the Womens vote. Just ask em?
Cant tell em apart!
Franking credits anyone?