Studio portrait of Julian Assange painted whilst on secondment to ASIO

Dear reader, are you still with us? Are you still on the edge of your chair, polo pony or electrically charged vehicle? Do you still suffer pangs of anxiety as we await the fate of our hapless heroes? Led incredibly by Australia’s most decorated and Bravest soldier, “Benny-Boy Roberts Smith” and aided now in his quest for freedom by Australia’s naughtiest bad-boy Julian Assange?

Can Dutto survive?

Incredibly, our heroes now have a dynamic duo to protect them. A duo more powerful and arguably more sartorially inclined than Batman and Robin. And a duo determined to cast off the shackles imposed upon them by the forces of a selfish and disinterested federal government. A Government so impoverished it was thrown from office and replaced by arguably a reformist government that actually talks about inclusiveness and affordability as though they might really mean it. We know it’s too early to tell, but in optimism, there is hope. But perhaps a forlorn hope, for even as we speak, from the stygian bowels of the chambers carved in solid rock below Maralinga, Sophie and Dutto are at work to overthrow the new government and broker a deal with China that will make them global leaders and internationally famous in Australia.

So hold onto your false teeth, and strap yourselves in for this next instalment, For in space no one can hear you scream, but they can very clearly see you wet your pants.

Terry both smokes Camels and drinks Kerosene; ‘Good for the larynx’

‘Where have they gone’? Ces Whispered as the drew on another of Terry’s Camel’s.

‘I dunno Ces’, Quent pointed to the dust and the movement in the direction of the concrete pillar that marked the stairs that wound down into the subterranean city of Radium Springs. ‘I spose they’ve gone to blow up the exit portal and make sure that Sophie and Dutto never get out. Perhaps they’re gonna make sure they stay down there for’, he paused in wistful thought,… ‘for EVER’?

It was a grim thought. And in spite of all that they’d been through it triggered a sense of compassion for their twin nemesis. Which proved once and for all, that even the most inhuman creatures deserved a measure of sympathy.

Between mummification Boris always had time for a good cup of tea

‘I suppose if they’re trapped down there, and never get out they’re entombed and will be discovered years, decades, perhaps centuries later, and scientists will wonder what happened to the master- race of politicians who hid their deformities to form the rump of anti-climate policy for the Coalition. What will their epitaph be then Ces? Will history smile upon them’? Ces phlegmatically drew upon his camel and then flicking the stub into the corner sighed; “It may be perhaps best that the entire chapter is forgotten. What value could a cynical negative legacy be to future generations of young and impressionable Australians, other than show the pitfalls of power, greed, and short termism? What possible value could there be in that’?

Barely had Ces finished than the terminal building was rent by an enormous shockwave, the windows smashed, the doors blew open and the dust coating, ears, eyes and faces made them all look like dusted statues from a crypt set in a 1930’s mummy saga without Boris Karloff.

The dust settled, and they realised what had happened. Terry pointed to where the concrete portal stood on the edge of the tarmac and cried ‘Look’! And sure enough, through the gloom and smoke they saw the silhouette of the wrecked centurion, and an enormous crater, where once the portal stood. Quent looked at Ces. And Ces looked at Terry. Terry looked back at Quent, and pulling the Camel from his lips sighed; ‘I spose Benny Boy used too much Torpex this time’.

Will Julian and Benny Boy make it in to the ‘updated’ edition of the ‘Forgotten people’. Or will the editors forget?

‘Yeah and with Julian on board he may have been egged on to go that extra yard. And perhaps’…… The rest was self-evident, a tattered leather jacket and fragment of V.C Ribbon fluttered down metres in front of them. Benny Boy, arguably Australia’s bravest soldier ever, and his side-kick Julian Assange had blown themselves up. The evidence was there, and with it, the escape route for Dutto and Sophie permanently sealed. Is this the end for Benny-Boy? Will Julian Assange ever return to embarrass the three leaders who saved Iraq and Afghanistan? Can our trio now just walk off into the irradiated sunset And return to a more peaceful life? Find out in the intoxicating episode, ‘Julian’s quest may be quashed’, or ‘Implausibly, Ben Roberts final implosion was almost implausible, incredibly’?