Saint Tone of Santamaria. Shining a light on dark people.

Do we laugh or do we weep? In one word, “Nauru is paradise”! We heartilly agree. In a word, “They’ve never had it so good”!  Tony Abbott, special envoy to aborigines, suggests police be an established part of indigenous education. 

And he’s quite right. And he has a slogan: “Coppers on Campus’!

waiting at school assembly

We need the coppers on campus. To ensue the little buggers do Monopoly. “What’s Monopoly’? you may say.  It’s get the two hundred, in this case it’s a two hundred fine, and your folks can’t pay, so it’s straight to Jail. In code the motive is simple.  Go to jail means you top yourself. That’s it. Tone’s not the only one in conservative poitics with a  “final solution”.  Could be petrol sniffing, a car accident or just a piece of rope. Two hundred will get you all you need. And the fine will ensure one way or another you’re cactus. 

Teach em Australian Values!!

Having the cops at school will create greater efficiencies.  The kids, “clients”,  little buggers can be capsicumed, incarcerated, measured, (metrics are very important), and shunted off to the slammer in record time. Why waste funds on an education? Still,  It’ll piss a lot of remote area teachers.  What with the ‘woop woop allowance’ (remote services), teaching in a third world type situation allowance, and a no one else is silly enought to bother learning abo languages allowance, the coppers will make a severe dint in pretending to provide education. That’s a huge cost benefit, and Tone, who’s boned up a bit on Abo’s and incarceration knows that when Augustus Robertson rounded em up and chucked em on an island they all died. That stopped the rivers of gold.  So we don’t want to go too far. Maybe having coppers on the beat in schools will stop em from topping themselves early.  So that we can at least pretend to be educating, whilst ticking the boxes and keeping another endangered species, (sinecured white bureaucrats ) in full employment. And besides Tone knows.  Like Malcolm, he’s a Rhodes scholar. 

And respect for royalty, the queen, and snotty-nosed chinless bastards.

Speaking on the full Tone shit-filled bottle of Nauru. 

They’re fucked.  But to Tones thinking, and drawing upon  the spiritual enlightenment of Saint Bob of Santamaria, being fucked is where you’ll be closer  to heaven. 

You see all them little ki∂dies that were fiddled up by priests, were bought closer to heaven.  By topping themselves they go there quick smart and saved a lot of queuing for penance and absolution. This way those kiddies  can follow in the footsteps of their parents and just knock emselves off. As Icarus said to Orpheus,” if the sun don’t kill you,  there’s always the cliff to chuck yourself off” 

Yup paradise, 

Tone should know, they’re acheing to die.  Tone loves coal.  It’ll kill us all and every living thing so that we may fast track it to heaven. 

That’s paradise, 

Cos dead people are pure,  

Meanwhile on a stage somewhere, 

Geoffrey Rush, is about to enter, (camera pans) and the stage hands giggle…. 

“Anyone for tennis”, Geoffrey says in a Shakespearian voice, 

We pissed ourselves laughin, 

All in good fun.