Dear reader, this has been an interesting week in parliament. Sadly all matter of things to do with gunpowder hasn’t coincided with Guy Fawkes. Which is a pity. You see the ancient and noble tradition of Guy Fawkes night has been replaced with Halloween. It’s bloody tragic. Proof once again that the Wowsers have won the culture wars. Instead of all that wholesome fun, the bonfire and terrorising grannies we’re left with more hollowness, cheap consumerist rubbish and the sort of fun only Amway could contrive. We deserve it.
Plans are afoot to find a diplomatic posting for Tony Abbott. To Washington. London. Paris (favourite of Dfat bureaucrats), or anywhere.
Tony Abbott’s gunpowder plot didn’t come off and now he’s bitter and mad mad mad. Perhaps Joe Hockey can move over and Tony can get the Washington post. We’ll need a man like Tony in Washington. Cos a Trump presidency will be madder still. Good though for arms manufacturers. Bad for satirists. Soon we’ll all be yearning for the good ol days. A perfect chance then to segway once more to an era when life was simple and laughter was the preserve of comedic professionals. Another excerpt from ‘Toys that almost made it’.
Jake the Peg Toy 400×300 1966 Bonza Toys
Such was the success of Rolf Harris, and anything Australian in that brief period of swinging sixties London that a local manufacturer, Bonza Toys, who then had only supplied rubber goods to the personal hygiene market released the ‘Jake the Peg Doll’. Jake the Peg was an instant success. When the string was pulled it could hum, “diddle dee diddle dum’, ‘Tie me kangaroo down sport’, ‘six white boomers’ and ‘two little boys’. Unable to keep up production the company requisitioned a new latex extrusion machine to manufacture the famous third leg, and developed an intriguing mechanical apparatus to make the doll truly lifelike. Unfortunately, via repeated agitation by over enthusiastic children (intrigued by the leg function) the toy when inappropriately handled would become unstable. Without warning the arms, (supposedly stationary) would “ go bezerk”, and cause injuries to users unaware of the explosive tendency for arms and hands to “go just about anywhere”. In response to complaints the toy was removed from sale and melted down into plastic Beatle Wigs, Which to this day remain curiosities of a former era.
Dictation Test 500×300 1960 Comtoys
Dictation Test was the first ever venture by the Commonwealth government to capitalise upon their more forward thinking policy agendas. It was a game that almost never saw the light of day after strong lobbying by the then Leader of the Opposition, Mr Arthur Caldwell who was busy promoting his own game ‘Two Wong’s’, and the members of the Country Party who were promoting ‘White-out’, as their preferred policy derived board game. However in the interests of Australia’s, image to the rest of the world it was determined in a spirit of bipartisanship that ‘Dictation Test’ best reflected the will of the people. The aim of the game was simple. Each player had to pick a card. On the board, the game counters, (a few white) and hundreds of coloured, would stand in a long queue before an entry portal. Each player would pick up a card, move the counter forward as the other players would have to guess the origin of the language used in order to allow the game counter though the gate. White game counters were picked from the ‘ Lucky pile’ and let in. After lengthy discussion, a determination would be made on the status of the coloured counters. Ultimately the game failed. No one in Australia at the time knew any foreign languages, cept a smattering of French, a little German and some Latin learnt at school. As a consequence no coloured counters ever got through, and the game proved ultimately unrewarding. No copies survive. But there are rumours that a new virtual reality version is being trialled at Nauru.