Dear reader, as you may recall, our heroes, Ces and Quent have found themselves in an un-winnable situation, in pursuit of the villain who defiled our tea-lady Ms Culthorpe whilst she was on secondment as a parliamentary intern. Tragically their enquiries had been blocked at every turn by those in power in our National Parliament who for one reason or another either have vested interests or acute necrosis of the brain which makes finding the culprit an impossible task. But as fate would have it, with all the subterfuge just part and parcel of Angus Taylor’s reach, with links to the Chinese Communist Party and the the man they call ‘Xi’, they find themselves stuck with Angus’s nefarious hench-person, none other than the irrepressible Sophie Mirabella. 

Stuck in the stygian gloom of an underground nukes bunker left over by the Poms at Maralinga, Sophie’s explosive personality has led to one of the nukes ticking. Is this the last tick of the clock? Or the tick that breaks the atomic clock’s toc? Could our heroes become a catalyst to Chinese Espionage? Tick-Tock or Tock- tick? That may well be the question. 

Find out in this radioactive episode, as we reveal the full measure of Sophies ambition, for Australian industry, the world. And how she parachuted onto the front-bench of the Fair Work Commission, with plans to topple both her leader Angus, and ultimately the fortunes of Xi. Is her ambition stoppable?, read on.. 

‘Do something’! Sophie screamed, ‘fer fucks sake’,

‘If the fucking thing is ticking it can only mean one thing, It’s not entirely governed by Lucas electrics’, Ces replied, and qualified, ‘so it aint all dud’?

‘Precisely you Tool’!!! This was more than we expected from Sophie, we knew she was to convert us to atomic particles, but she hadn’t figured in being part of the party. 

‘Don’t just stand there, you know all about Lucas Electrics, the stuff that makes ‘Qualcast’ mowers, and ‘Cooper Sunbeam little Wonder Junior’ shearing equipment work. This is the same technology’, she pointed hysterically to the amplifier, ‘as this Pye’, and pointing to the far corner, ‘the AWA, and the Astor that made Australia Great. Fer fucksakes do something, and stop this bloody ticking’.

‘How long have you got’? Ces enquired. “This could be a twenty four hour clock’

‘Or perhaps a twenty four hour clock that’s run through its cycle’, piped in Benny-Boy, (arguably, Australia’s most famousest and decorated soldier) in which case we dunno if we have minutes or perhaps hours till the big bang’. 

‘You’ll get a fucken big bang if you wont stop this’, screamed Sophie who was clearly hysterical, ‘Stop the bloody thing and I’ll grant you a wish’!

‘What? A trip to Disney land’? 

‘Anything, just stop the bloody thing’. 

‘Allright then, I’ll let you in on something, fix the bloody thing and I’ll let you go, on one  condition’, 

We laughed, Sophie, arguably Australia’s most powerful woman giving us conditions, 

‘And what’s that?……

‘You keep quiet on my masterplan, and I’ll give you a cut of my empire’,

‘Which part, a possie of the Fair Work Commission bench’?

‘Nah’, she laughed derisively, 

‘A Queens birthday honours gong’

‘What for’?

 

‘For services to the veteran community’,

‘Which veteran’?

‘People, like Benny and Brendan Nelson, who are unemployable now the gloss has gone from the SAS’. 

‘But they killed un-armed civilians’, 

‘That’s inconsequential’, 

‘Why inconsequential’?

‘No one of significance was hurt and besides, it was in a theatre of war, and it doesn’t matter anyway, cos as they say in the classics, winner takes all’ 

‘Winner? Who’s the fucken winner’?, 

 

‘The businesses that im a principal state holder of, Black Rock, etc, etc, (Sophie began to reel off a list of al the corporates who had made squillions outta Afghanistan in which she had a direct interest via contacts made in the mining industry and through Parliament until she recovered from the  demonstration of her extraordinary capacity for the minutiae of pay-back, kick- backs and golden parachutes learnt and tested in service to the Australian people )

‘You will be if you can stop this bloody bomb from going off’!.

Will Ces and Quent win in the end? Or will it be phyrric victory for all of em? Find out in the next historically challenged episode, ‘Try and stop a stopped stop-watch’?. “Or  the watcher’s watch on the Rhine? Or two Rhine-maiden’s in the hand is a headache for Wagner’.