Radiation sickness, this sign was just put up yesterday….
Dear reader, as you recall we were stuck deep down underground in a bunker with unexploded British nukes left over for the great atomic age of the fifties. Stuck with Australias most decorated and bravest soldier Ben Roberts-Smith and the most powerful, (arguably) woman in Australia Sophie Mirabella. Ces and Quent are worried about the detonators being unstable after all these years. Sophie is worried about missing her chance to knock of Angus and sieze control of water resources, Cayman Island investments and be a front runner with XI. What will happen in this next episode?
Are Ces and Quents worries ill founded?
In spite of the fact that Sophie has slotted them for a quick death. Are their future prospects better than a Kabuli airport baggage handler?
This sign has a Government hotline just in case your organs suffer ‘radiation shrinkage’.
Find out in this next testing episode, read on… Ces asks Benny-Boy a direct question;
‘Allright then, do these detonators need to be charged so as not to go off’?
‘Yep, that’s why they have em wired up’?
‘Well the who’s generating the charge’?
‘I dunno, the technician’
Well then, who’s the technician?
It’s the one I spoke to you about?
‘But he hasn’t checked em since 1965’!!!
This sign points to a social evil worse than radiation sickness that can only be cured by liberal doses of ‘White King’ and ‘Bex Powder’.
Ben looked dumbfounded, and then replied rather sullenly;
‘I dunno, I DON’T HOLD THE FUCKEN HOSE MATE’!!
We then realised, and it came as a thunderclap!
A Pommy nuke being loaded for testing. RAAF technician adjusts the whinge mechanism.
‘So these nukes detonators aint been charged! Do you know what that means? The slightest movement may set them off, or just a minor change in the magnetic field, air density, barometric pressure, humidity, anything’!!!
Sophie turned to us, ‘I’ve had enough of youse blokes, this is ridiculous, these nukes are safe I have the Ministers word. And besides What’s yer POINT’!!!
‘Which Minister’? we bawled.
‘The Minister in charge, “the big A”…. Angus’!
Angus!! We both cried; “You fool !!! Don’t you see, he’s put you here in the hope that you’d set the shebang off. Angus has slotted YOU Sophie. Sophie interrupted indignantly, ‘Don’t call me by my first name, my offical title PLEASE’!
‘Allright then, The former Rt Hon Sophie Mirabella member for Indi, and now fully accredited member of the front bench of the Fair Work Commission to dispense fairness and goodwill to all wage slaves who must work for a pittance and then pay taxes to support your egregiously high salary’!!
‘That’s better, Sophie beamed as her credentials were read out, you could tell she was high octane. Ces continued to reason, though he knew that ‘reason’ was in Sophie’s lexicon, a dirty word, dirtier even than ‘Clean Coal”
‘There’s no escaping from the fact you’ve been duped by Angus! Only you, the bull in the China shop, the putative Taliban in the tea-house would be capable of making anything no matter how inert GO OFF! He set you up! Knowing that only you would volunteer on a mission that covered you, and you alone in glory. And Ces and myself, and Benny-Boy here would be just wasted, Collateral damage to your colossal ego!
L Cpl, Frank Baarda, (19 years) showing acute radiation sickness attributed to eating baked beans sourced from Maralinga.
And we’re the effing meat in the sandwich!!
That’s the joke, only Angus would’ve ensured that the electrics would be Lucas’.
Ces laughing at the absurdity, ‘And you know what they say about Lucas electrics ‘the GOD of DARKNESS!!!
Quent mused, ‘yep about as reliable as CLEAN FUCKING COAL’!
Sophie interjected, ‘and that’s why I need you boys cos you understand old electrics. Youse was born when these beauties were brand new’. She led us to a console, an array of AWA television screens and above them a Pye speaker system. We almost expected to see a Qualcast mower, but we’d seen enough. This was a real time-capsule, only problem, we were running out of precious time. ‘Sophie, Ces interjected; “Do you know anything about these nukes, apart from their devastating power’?
Sophie (arguably Australia’s most powerful woman) trials gold- leaf anti-radiation overalls amongst toxic humans.
Will our heroes suffer their last gasp? Will this be Sophies crowning achievement? Find out in the next epoch-defining episode, ‘Not tales for tell-tales?’, or ‘Sophies Joyce’