Dear reader, we know you’re excited about the Olympics, so here’s the first of our Olympic installments. ‘Live’ as they say from RIO.
‘Zika’ Official mascot of the Rio Olympics. Being trialled by IOC commissioners.
The spirit of Gallipoli is eternal.
A suite of unusual un-official events have followed closely on the heels of the opening of the Olympic village. The large mosquito “Zika” (the official mascot) will fly over the Olympic fraternity, and poor outcast, squatters of the Favella, have volunteered to be cleansed from the Olympic movement by voluntarily relinquishing their homes to developers. A symbol of reciprocity to the IOC officials who have gained so much in the pursuit of international excellence and some small measure of personal wealth to themselves.
The chef de mission of the Australian team, Titty Chilla, has remarked upon how fortunate the team is in having adapted substandard plumbing into ‘a world class upgrade’ ‘The toilets provide all round protection from opportunistic theft, by overflowing and thus creating an impenetrable wall of water. It’s adapted by the periscope rifles used at Gallipoli. Proof once again that Australia is a world leader for innovation’.
Our defence agianst opportunistic theft.
Recent theft from the village is spiraling out of control, with the team losing in one night their mascot, flags, official speedos and condom dispensing machines. Kitty was on hand to describe the latest third world outrage: ‘I can understand the poor wanting our mascots, and superior swimwear, but stealing our condoms is a desperate measure’, and pointing to the burgeoning Faavella’s, ‘it aint working’. A special flight, of RAAF Hercules, laden with official Australian Olympic team clothing has gone missing on the tarmac. The items were recently spotted at Copa Cabana, where it is believed that budgie smugglers are all the rage amongst the more adventurous transgender community. Items of which were observed for sale in the poorer parts of Rio. Or as locals describe it, the other ‘99% off Sale’.
Favella denizens rapturously greet an IOC official party.
Speaking to the Commissioner of Rio police, the crime wave, he likened to a human tide, and he expects, most poor people, ‘to be transmigrated to a jungle somewhere. and their former homes converted into real estate’. He elaborated, ‘It’s a bit like in your country’, (pointing to a map of Australia), once no one wanted to live in these places, but now, it’s some of the most expensive real estate in the world, and like you’ve demonstrated, we just move em on’. Asked if this was a human rights issue? he replied, ‘Human rights? This is the Olympics fer chrissakes,” to whit he convulsed with laughter.
There are no cheap seats these Olympics, only the upper tier of Brazilian society may attend and those with affiliated memberships. Asked who they were, ‘Oh the usual shady characters, IOC officials, international drug runners, property tycoons, Russian kleptocrats, senior members of the Chinese Communist Party, shady plutocrats, bankers, and a special seating reserved for the most powerful man in the world’. ‘Donald Trump’? we asked. ‘Nah, you should know he’s won gold for kleptocracy, your very own Rupert Murdoch’.
Going for GOLD! Former P.M as an ambitious young man.
Former P.M. A shadow of his former self.
Speaking at the podium the former Australian chef de mission, Mr Kevan Gosper spoke of the coming of age of the Olympic movement, ‘I’m justifiably proud, once upon a time the Olympics were conducted as an example of kinship and egality, tempered by athletic excellence. It never worked. Now its sponsored by the IOC, international banking, and corporations to give is the results we pay for. And these results are Gold’. As a postscript it seems unlikely that former P.M Kevin Rudd, will be picking up Gold in his ambition to be Secretary General of the UN. This is a tragic event for another ambitious Queenslander, but perhaps in hindsight in these troubled times represents GOLD not only for Australia, but the rest of the world. It’s symbolic in a way of what we hope to do in the Olympics. Punch above our weight, and bring home GOLD.