The Pcbycp Catalina arrives at Tuvalu for the Forum

Dear reader, it is not often we get invited to a major summit. It therefore came as quite a surprise when we received from the Prime Minster of Tuvalu an invitation to  attend the Pacific  leaders summit. We were puzzled as to why we were invited to such an event until we realised, it was probably as a consequence of the recent trip we took as a team building exercise in the Whitsundays.  Clarrie threw an empty  bottle of Passion Pop over the side with a note attached. It read, ‘ whoever receives this is to be rewarded with a replacement full bottle and entitled to a lifetime subscription to Esquire magazine and a carte d visite  from the publishers of pcbycp. In a word . Who could resist? And besides, Clarrie is the ‘full bottle’ on the  Pacific Islands. He was at Lae when we kicked the Japs out and has real scars to prove it. 

Scomo prepares for the Mardi Gras. Everyone likes to get Lay’d in the Pacific.

It was half the fun in just getting there. We couldn’t afford entry onto the press jet that departed Canberra  and instead had to charter a Catalina. And if you know anything about Catalina’s they take an awful long time to get to the destination. We also bought along our float. It was our intention to drive the float at the opening of the summit, and declare our commitment to taking action on climate change. The float was ingenious, a papier-mache island in a Clark pool, (toddler Size) with a dirty great ice-block in it. The idea was as we toured the float up and down the main street, (Tuvalu has only one main street) the ice would melt and the little paper mache island would go underwater. We knew with the international press, we’d get good coverage and as a consequence, would be very rich. 

After arriving we unpacked the pool and the island and waited for the festivities. There were lots of photo opps, all these people dressed in lais, and all the nations of the Pacific, hanging out and drinking daquiries outta coconuts. The delegation from  China was here and were halfway onto putting us in a compound for re- education till we told em this was not their sovereign territory,………………………….. yet. 

Scott Morrison spoke about Australia having a brilliant track record in killing eco systems and native people, and he laughed when the P.M of Tonga cried about loosing his own  people.  Scomo Shrugged, and said,  “GET OVER IT!. A real test of leadership.  We applauded. And when he said, “is it too much to ask for a COLD beer on this island” we hi- fived till our hands hurt.  

Could’ve been much more fun without a KILLJOY!

Still, he showed compassion and promised not to visit new Zealand till after they’d got rid of their lefty PM Jacinta Hardon. 

Sadly, it was when the pacific islanders threatened to blow the proceedings up with an unexploded piece of ordnance left over from the Bikini Atoll business, that we decided to pull out the float. But the fridge had broken down, the cart had flat tyres, and the papier mache island was just a lump of goo. 

All up, a bit of a fizzer. 

Still it was good to see Strayla stand tall on principle, and telling little nations to get stuffed. 

They’re all dis, cos they don’t have Huge reserves of COAL!!

It  made us proud. 

We’re staying in Tuvalu, just as long as it takes to sell off some items to these nice people from China and pay for the fuel . Cos Catalinas don’t run on kava alone 

Aloha, (as they say in the classics)