Old Trade logo was NAF
WE at pcbycp have a scoop, we were asked by the Federal Government to come up with a new trade logo. We agreed with the department of Trade, Real Estate and Mining, (Australia’s peak body) that the current kangaroo logo was NAF. We had a focus group tell us so. Then we did a think-tank. This one was larger than most. It had comfy chairs, a 1950’s poly-vinyl poof for us to put our feet on, a packet of Senior Service cigarettes, a full cocktail cabinet and a lava lamp. We were encouraged to be “Creative”. On the sound system there was only one record, “Barry Manilows Greatest Hits”. Obviously, this was to ensure we didn’t stay in the think-tank for too long, and would come out with a solution to the vexed question of Australian trade and product identification. And to arrive at a logo that would well and truly belong as an unidsputed part of the Australian subconscious.
Dyson at his new job. Both women have been given “working with Dyson clearance’.
To help us clarify, we had to fill out a form, and then the newly appointed Ministerial Secretary for ‘Secret Mens Business’, Dyson Hayden vetted us, and we were in. But not in the Dyson sense if you know whats meant by that.
Feds reckon the old logo was “Too GREEN”
At the end we came up with an over-arching condition, that was one of the stipulations, that we would abide by the principles of ‘CC’.
What is ‘CC’ you may ask?
‘CC’ is the cutlural underpinning that makes Australia Great. It’s the system that sees any qualified and experienced individual in arts, science, technology, management, you name it, gets passed over by anyone, with a foreign credential. That’s right the CC stands for ‘Cultural Cringe’. The stipulation was our understanding that ‘CC’ was an over-arching principle that no Australian could ever contest. ‘It is part of our DNA’. Dyse told us; ‘look at it, you may have ideas about exceptionalism and indigenous creativity, but at the end of the day we can never be as good as someone from overseas. That’s the taint of colonialism. You can’t get away from it, so you just have to accept it’.
Nationals wanted this as the replacement logo. ‘Likely to offend foreigners’.
The “Poofy” new Logo. Designed by “Australia’s got Talent’.
The last logo, which we’re unsure about was designed by the Manager of ‘Australias got Talent’, it looks a bit like a Covid 19 we agree, but its meant to demonstrate that Australia is progessive, forward thinking and dynamic. And also, without being pejorative, a teensy bit ‘GAY’. Like a coronovirus, a super nova, an exploding atom, or an open cut from the air. Whichever way you look at it we want you to come up with something more identifiably Australian, whilst at the same time looking, (think of ‘CC’) like it might have come from anywhere else. That’s what we liked about the AU. It could be Austria, they’ve got folkish costume, and Hansel and Gretel castles. All we’ve got is open cuts and abos in prison. ‘So we don’t want to look too identifiably Australian, and not yet be international. Do you understand’?
We had to admit, the way Dyse put it, designing an Australian trade logo was a bit like trying to encapsulate an enigma within a paradox. But we knew that whatever we came up with, like Vegemite or a bottle of VB it had to belong.
We thought long and hard, after the 45th play of ‘Copocapbana’, we’d had enough. And determined on a symbol that is identifiable to every Australian, totemic you might say, and readilly recognisible from people the world over.
Our new Logo. Iconic, Australian, and likely to be adopted by cabinet.
The bleached dog turd. It’s both progressive and traditional, like a Commonwealth games logo, but more rounded.
As we put it to Dyse, there’s one on every street corner, and it suggests the arid conditions of summer. Nowhere else in the rest of the world is there such a symbol of dryness, and utter ossification, “Whiteness”. And the timelessness of the Australian continent. And it also represents a common bond we have for mateship and man’s best friend.
All awhile Miss Rintoul had been silent, and then she piped up. ‘But isn’t it a bit male oriented, what about the role of women in Australian society’?
Dyse made the sort of look he made at the Unions Royal Commission, or the one he kept for the Liberal fundraiser. WE all had a laugh. He pointed back to the think tank and said; ‘ you know luv the problem wth you, is you’re a bit like deaths in custody. You can cry all you like to your lefty friends, but at the end of the day. No-one is listening’.
WE had to agree he had a point.
Still we hope the dog turd gets through cabinet.
We know it sort of belongs there.