Mr Narev defines his position at the banking enquiry
Mr Narev, greets journalists for an interview at Cominsure headquarters.
Dear reader, after yesterdays startling revelations about the grilling encountered by Mr Narev (CEO Commonwealth Bank) at the banking enquiry it has been revealed he faces another grueling encounter. A spokesman for the enquiry remarked; ‘This time he’ll only get the comfy chair and the light lunch he ordered from Maxim’s may be delayed due to CCM’S, (cost cutting measures )by the catering staff’. Bristling with anticipation to this, the first of four big bank CEO’s under senate scrutiny Mr Narev is planning to be “ co operative” and helpful under questioning. ‘We’re going to dig deep’, a senate spokesman said, ‘and find out why he prefers St Tropez, for his Easter break rather than Santorini. We also we need to get to the bottom of why he was unable to get to Royal Ascot for the racing season. Such absenteeism is unheard of for a successful banker’.
We indeed hope that these and other deeply held secrets will be revealed under oath, and can only hope that more light will be thrown on the illuminating subject of banking in general. But, just in case you thought it was all over, (not the banking enquiry stupid!) we’ve got one more excerpt from “ Toys and Games from the Ming Era”. A most perfect companion to the most excellent documentary hosted by the second greatest Australian P.M Ever, John, (‘I alone invaded Iraq and will never be held to account’) Howard.
1 Clancy’s Caravan. Release date 1968.
Clancy’s Caravan, (a marketing phenomenon) was designed as a local counter to the incredibly successful imported Barbie and her stable mate Sindy. The ‘Clancy’s Caravan’ set outsold all competitors in the Christmas season of 1968-69 to, unbelievably BOYS!! The model consisted of Clancy’s Caravan, complete with bathroom, shower, kitchenette and dining settee and was the very latest in camping development for the burgeoning, (in its infancy) recreational and leisure sector. The toy package consisted of a one twentieth scale Clancy figurine, and matching clothing, with caravan, (as standard Coronet and annexe). Each kit came with an optional splash pool and banana lounges.
For the Clancy figurine, options included a swimwear set, underwear and options of either Jillaroo Clancy with stock-whip in riding gear, or just plain Clancy as SCEGGS school girl. The lifelike detail presented Clancy in uniform, summer and winter options, satchel and play lunch. The option was trialled with sportswear tennis racket, and hockey stick, but sales of the Clancy swimwear model outstripped production capacity at the Wendouree manufacturing plant. Excess capacity had to be shifted to the Leyland Victoria Park/ Zetland complex, who were then able to maintain production with minor variations for plastic mouldings and bushes for the popular morris 1100 and up tooled production for the soon to be released Morris Marina.
Clancy and the cast of the Children’s evergreen, Skippy
The Clancy doll was hugely popular and led a revolution in synthetic and plastic polymer production, with life like limbs and flexible latex joints, the model could adopt a variety of poses, and “as the advertising, proclaimed, “ bend it stretch it and she’ll still bounce back” . And, as a training model, several containers were trans-shipped to the australian army medical corps headquarters at Nui Dat in South Vietnam as ‘practise kewpies” for medical staff and nurses in the field. In a celebrated encounter during the Tet offensive an entire container was captured by the Viet Cong, who believed they were decoys and mined shipped them onto China, were they were re- badged and on sold to Nth Korea as the ‘Das Kapital Kewpie’ .
In December 1968 sales outshone all competitors in the figurine toy department, beating Gi Joe, Action man and Barbie in the fiercely competitive lifelike toy sales market. Clancy was set to break all records for the 1968 Boxing Day sale. Then something terrible happened. Prolonged exposure to the human skin by the active compound TGPS the lifelike material used to create the doll, (Tryco- Glyco poly Stimularine) caused extensive skin burns if rubbed over a prolonged period of time. . Consequently hospital emergency departments were overloaded with teenage boys presenting swollen hands and glands. The condition, known in medical terms as ‘Clancy’s Fancy’, had dire consequences for local under age cricket teams with district cricket being disastrously affected. . In some case the dolls actually exploded, doubtless due to the acetate polymer and it’s unstable properties.
The products were withdrawn and excess stock shipped to Vietnam, and rebadged as the ‘Suzy sweet and sour comfort doll’ as a palliative for children recovering from napalm burns. Over two hundred thousand were sold between 1968-69, and after the product was withdrawn, refunds were offered for Clancy’s in good condition, though very few came back. The standard game measured 400 mm x 320 mm, and came in a sturdy two tone box, with a superb illustration of Clancy and Skippy greeting players from the door of the caravan. The playing pieces consisted of all members of the Hammond family, the coronet regal caravan, annexe, banana lounge, and optional costumes. It retailed for $12. 95 in most toy stores, and of the two variants, the ‘Clancy Big Box’, offered a larger play set, and a bonus Emu and Dingo. Very few survive today, those that have survived are required, (for collectors) to be placed in a fire proof container, and the game pieces also manufactured with Tryco-Glyco Poly Stimularine, are required by law to be inspected by fire safety officers on a bi-annual basis. As a consequence only some three complete games survive. They are priceless.