Children are vulnerable to the DARK WEB if left alone in playgrounds.

Dear reader, our heroes are in deeper trouble than a flawed west link excavation contract, in more dire straits than a tax office functionary trying to get Transurban to pay any tax at all, more trouble than an extradition request for a paedophile school mistress in Israel.  With more twists and turns than the Barangaroo building contract, we find our heroes in a very awkward situation. The USB was either a life saver or a death warrant.  They, (our heroes) have to think quickly, as MR BIG said, ‘they had until Australia Day to sort things out’, and time was tik-tok-ing by. We return to their dreadful situation…and the ensnaring labyrinthine interstices of the EVIL DARK WEB!

‘Phew”,  I sighed with intense relief, “it may work”, ( in reference to the dark- web) “I believe there’s bits of the dark web that are so dark, that even the white bits are dark’? 

Australia’s finest. Crack second regiment SAS open a community resource facility in Afghanistan.

‘Too right, and I’ve gotta say’, pointing to the wall map of Australia’s finest, (the crack second squadron SAS  hard at work civilising the darkest dark places in Afghanistan), ‘if we cant feel safe here back home in Oz with crack troops like these defending our borders, where could we possibly feel safe? As Gerard Henderson said, and on this I am in absolute concurrence, ‘the only certainty in 2021 is uncertainty’. It was reassuring to know that Gerard had been on God’s telephone, and had the latest from Santa. As Gerard said: ‘if God was in the culture wars he’d be a commanding officer in the SAS and he’d be wearing a V.C and Bar’! Gerard’s observations were a source of some comfort in our challenging times. And reminded us of our sacred duty to look to the light of optimism, equality, imagination and progress, and say “NO’!

Just then, there was a knock at the door, 

John Howard, (arguably Australia’s GREATEST EVER P.M) recoils in shock to suggestions that our troops are beyond the pale.

‘Who is it’? I tremblingly replied. 

A booming voice made the office shudder;  “Its your PROTECTION”..

Protection? 

“yep, my boss said you needed PROTECTION”!. 

Who’s your boss?

CANT TELL!

Why are you here?

THAT’S CLASSIFIED!

How can you protect us?

SACRED! Are those BRAVE ANZACS who endure sacrifice and hardship in KEEPING US SAFE!

BY NOT ANSWERING SILLY QUESTIONS!

But how did you? 

Un cooperative, unarmed Afghani assisting the SAS with their enquiries.

No sooner than I had finished when the door came crashing down.  It was as if an answer to a voiceless prayer.  For there, shouldering  a 50 cal, a semi- automatic and old .303, a back-pack of hand grenades, claymores and signal flares, a couple of belts of 50 cal and night visions glasses, stood a crack member of the second squadron SAS. We could tell cos he had a Confederate flag and an SS flag draped over each shoulder, just like they do in Afghanistan as recognition of “friendly forces” 

“You mentioned the dark-web, that’s where I get my steroids from’!. And then right in front of us he did a Tony Abbott wink. Pulled an onion out of his pocket and bit it in half. If an onion had feelings, this colossus was oblivious to its suffering. He was the personification of PURE, Unrestrained BRUTE FORCE!

Who is this colossus? Who sent him to look after our reporters. Will his offer be worth more than a guarantee from our PM to look after Julian Assange? 

Find out in our next scintillating episode, 

Former PM demonstrates PURE WILLPOWER!

“Something hot from Taren Kot”, or “Killing me softly,…. and without witnesses”.