Dear reader,

It is an absolute pleasure to present to you another pearl from our scribe of the near north Dame Ira Maine, (kt cinq ports and other fortified wines).

Dame Ira before his/her Gender re-assignment receives a kiss from Boris.

Dame Ira, as you may not know has been transformed by her recent life-altering gender re-assignment. We have it on good authority that “Sir Ira” has been given the nod to be Her Majesty’s next poet laureate. The vetting was intense and scrutineers were called in from all corners of her far-flung empire to compile and consider a vast array of entries. After extensive research and further submissions from cash-strapped Australian universities offering a laureature, free parking and a years supply of funding submissions, the circle tightened until it became clear that Ira was the clear winner.

In these covid compromised times, the flypast of RAAF Roulette fighters, and a free night at the high-rollers lounge at Crown has been cancelled.  In accordance with Sir Ira’s expressed wishes to conduct a low-key event, the ceremony has been rescheduled to a shrine befitting Australia’s cultural ascendancy.

Out tea- lady Mrs Culthorpe was to have attended the ceremony but whilst her assault is still being investigated by the Deputy P.M The Rt Hon, Barnaby Trump (adjunct Minister for Women) she is undsrtakin a prescribed course of sick leave.

James Packer and all the Crown board will be presenting the ‘laureate thingy’, (Packers description) in the now empty Barangaroo complex. Brendan Nelson will be in attendance to cut the ribbon and announce the AWM, (Australian War Memorial) Annexe, “poetry in wartime’. A special interactive exhibition commemorating the role gambling has played in the Australian wartime. Ben Roberts-Smith out greatest soldier “ever” will be calling the toss. Afghan Kicks-off at half time.

Ira, asked to comment gave us this pithy observation;

Mick: ‘I hear they are going to phase out Roman numerals on all timepieces..’