Dear reader, we have an unforeseen dilemma. We must admit our editorial staff have been ‘rudderless’ since the demise of the Abbott government. We have lost our enthusiasm, and capacity for emotional engagement. The eminent psychologist, Dr T. E. Lorenz has described our condition as ‘collective melancholia’, and prescribed a course of drugs and rest.
The New P.M. We are not so worried about the policy deficit but serious concerns must be raised in regards to the P.M’s fashion sense. Also as has been pointed out by readers associated with the Exclusive Brethren, we are worried about ( Lower LH Corner) that the P.M, condones sex toys. Not a Good Look for “working families”
We recovered sufficiently yesterday to observe Mr Turnbull’s first day as P.M. The new P.M revealed “no change” to the Abbott policies on same sex, and carbon. This was heartening, something to rail against! We can only hope and anticipate that the Turnbull government possessing a “nicer face” will do absolutely nothing to change Abbott’s policies. Still, bereft of emotional engagement we bring you another fragment from G.T Beauregard. A scintillating insight into a land where men are free to be real men. And good ol fashioned values lay at the very bedrock of society. And so it should be.
15/8/15
One simply must try the Ezekiel 4:9 tortilla, a product of the Food For Life Baking Co Inc. of Corona, California. Ezekiel, as every schoolboy knows, prescribed a combination of wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet and spelt, to be combined in a single vessel “and of these make bread”. He did not say “and of these make a thin glutinous patty”, not even allowing for a great deal of licence in translation. One thing we can say with a good deal of certainty, no matter whether we subscribe to godless Darwinism or believe that the Earth and all its goodness was created last Thursday week: Ezekiel never ate a tortilla. He did not ever enjoy the combination of ground beef, onions, tomato, grated cheese and spices wrapped in a thin slice of bread which we understand to form the dish of this name. He knew not of corn, that marvel of creation which in one way or another insinuates itself into virtually every edible product of the new world. If he had known of it he would of course have qualified his instruction in some way, not encouraged charlatans to prey upon the literal minded, exploiting their love of scripture to the detriment of their culinary satisfaction. He may well have said something like “but of tacos and tortillas make it not, but prefer thereunto the flour of the maize which will be discovered in approximately 17 centuries time”. But he did not, and we are not spared the Ezekiel tortilla, which combines the consistency of papier maché with the flavour of damp wool. Thus the want of a sense of history leads us astray and mammon once more appropriates religion.
Safety First!
17/8/15 The Academy Sports & Outdoors catalogue dropped through the mail slot today. Like every other such publication at this time, its focus is on back to school specials as students of the south east are happily preparing for another year’s elevation of the mind. We see in the catalogue paper, pens, shoes, track pants, t-shirts and all manner of other products useful to the scholar. Including, on page 12, a range of firearms and ammunition from Glock, Remington, Brno and others. Personally I feel that the Smith & Wesson 9mm SDVE pistol is the pick of the bunch: a 16 round magazine with one in the chamber offers the junior high student the greatest opportunity of reducing class sizes without the inconvenience of pausing to reload. True, it is only a double action device, and so perhaps not as easy to use as the semi-automatic Browning Buck Mark Camper. But the Browning holds only 9 shots, and, as a .22, lacks the punch of my preferred choice. Sure, it looks the part and is so easy to operate that almost any child could use it to strike terror into his or her classmates, but for a reasonable compromise between weight, bulk and serious stopping power it’s hard to go past a 9mm arm. Plus, this week only, at only $299.99 the Smith & Wesson is fully $30 cheaper than the .22, and that saving can be devoted towards the purchase of 100 rounds of 145 grain ammunition plus change. Those two boxes of ammo are more than enough for a single class of civics: it’s hard to imagine your child reloading more than half a dozen times before being taken out by a SWAT team or the school counsellor. Hell, let’s be realistic, if the kid is so incompetent that he needs to reload more than twice he doesn’t deserve to have a gun in the first place.