(Today we re-post one of John Clarke’s more important poems, first posted here 27 April 2014)
Today’s poem by Billy ‘The Swank’ Gilbert is from John Clarke’s 2003 anthology “The Even More Complete Book of Australian Verse”
Billy was best known for his work with ‘Nifty’ Sullivan, a musician he met at a party. Together they wrote HMAS Apronstring, IoSilver, the Mickydoo, Ruddibore, Foreman of the Yard and a number of other bits and pieces that are still preformed today.
THE PIRATES OF penzance.com
CEO: I am the very model of a modern chief executive,
Regardless of agenda items random or consecutive,
My salary’s enormous and related to performance,
In determining the role of which I’m always in concordinance;
My package isn’t income-based in any technicality,
Appreciating more in line with concepts like reality,
In options and in super and through trusts that list as charities,
I represent a movement in fiduciary disparities.
ALL: He represents a movement in fiduciary disparities.
CEO: I studied all the history from Adam Smith to Maynard Keynes,
And peppered it with knowledge that relates or even appertains,
To custom laws and extradition, warehousing and arbitrage,
Being photographed at hospitals and other forms of camouflage.
ALL: To custom laws and extradition, warehousing and arbitrage,
Being photographed at hospitals and other forms of camouflage.
CEO: I learnt the work of real estate and how they work for foreigners ,
I leveraged consulting fees to lenders and to borrowers,
I parked it in the market, there was never any fraud at all,
And if there was I cleaned it up when I became the auditor.
We always act within the law, we’re utterly meticulous,
We put out a prospectus and to say we don’t’s ridiculous,
In strictness of compliance either now or retrospecutive
I am the very model of a modern chief executive.
ALL: In strictness of compliance either now or retrospecutive
I am the very model of a modern chief executive.
CEO: I understood the principles that underlie insurances,
An actuary’s algorithms coupled with endurance is,
A scientific formula for risk in every continent,
And if you lose a billion you can say you were incompetent.
ALL: And if you lose a billion you can say you were incompetent.
CEO: My wife is unaware that she controls through being the signatory,
A unit trust that constitutes a fiscal death with dignity,
Amounts have disappeared for reinvestment by the million there,
I think I’m right in claiming that our schnauzer’s a hectibillionaire.
When dividends are slow and normal salaries laborious,
My severance clause in contracts is the Hallelujah chorious,
In short in my objective that a fortune is pre-requitive,
I am the very model of a modern chief executive.
ALL: In short in matters decorative and dissolute and wreckutive,
He is the very model of a modern chief executive.
Trainee Chief Executive. (Above)