Former member for Indi (seventh from left) ” Loves the Country” Exciting and appropriate country attire kindly lent for this occasion by the Federal Minister for Education The Rt. Hon. Christopher Morris Pyne.
Dear Reader, it is with a frisson of the most intense excitement we are able to share with you the top secret and confidential briefing notes for the former member for Indi’s appearance at the Tolmie Show day next February.
Although we’re not quite sure how they came into our hands, or what motivated their agency, we have correctly returned them to their rightful owner. However, we feel compelled to pass this on to our readership to demonstrate at the very least the organisational expertise of a very well oiled party machine.
Liberal Party Wangaratta Running Schedule Tolmie Show Day.
Strictly Confidential.
Our candidate Sophie Mirabella will be attending the Tolmie Show Day next February 14th 2016. We expect a good turnout of local party members and demonstration of core message, ‘Sophie’s a Country Girl’.
Out on the Farm. Sophie and her farmyard friends demonstrating a bit of ‘ol fashioned bush hospitality’. (No animals were harmed during the course of this gathering)
Could members please be reminded that this is NOT an official fundraiser. There will be no wearing of Liberal Party badges. No double breasted or Harris Tweed jackets and emphatically NO, (see attached list) ostentatious wearing of expensive jewelry by lady members and their partners. And emphatically for those who were lent Dolce and Gabanna, Calvin Klein and Yves St Laurent underwear and costume jewellery for the Benalla and Elmore Field days. Could they please return them to the offices of the Rt. Hon. Mr Christopher Pyne, as they were generously donated from his private collection. The dress code shall be strictly INFORMAL. Smart casual, and strictly no TRACKSUITS . With emphasis we would like to add, the ladies to wear gingham, and straw, (rustic) non designer hats. Please see flyer for (‘Seven Brothers for Seven Wives’) next fundraiser which indicates appropriate dress code. Members of the Wangaratta and Albury branch Young Liberals boys and girls are under strict instructions to conduct themselves with decorum at all times, (no spitting on yokels) and park their Range Rovers, Aston Martins’ and Porsche Cayennes, discretely some distance for the event. They are required to walk ON FOOT to the arena. Anyone who arrives in either their own or parents late model Jaguar, Porsche or Range Rover, and that includes Series Three Discovery’s will be ineligible to attend the party gala fancy dress, (September 15 Crown Palladium ball room) ‘Come fly with Me’ hosted by the member for Mackellar Mrs. Bronwyn Bishop.
‘Sadie the Safety Lady” cautions her younger charges for “their own good” Costumes proudly loaned on this occassion by the Minister for Education, The Rt. Hon. Mr. Christopher Morris Pyne, from his personal collection.
Field Day Entertainment Members are reminded that ‘Trixie the Face Painting Clown’, will not be appearing this year. This years themed event, “Safety in the Bush’ will feature ‘Sadie the Safety Lady’. Safety themed face painting will be conducted in the Tolmie Hall. There will be an instructive presentation from STSL, (Sadie the Safety Lady) to kiddies on; ‘How to spot a terrorist in the bush’, ‘Spotting and reporting Terrorist tendencies in the schoolyard’, and What to do if you find an AK 47 in uncles toolshed’. Though this event is open to the general public, it is our responsibility to ensure that our candidate is shepherded from nuisance elements found at public gatherings.
All conversation, including one liners must be limited to the following. Schedule Themes: as discussed in cabinet.
1 ‘Sophie the Country Girl’,Loves animals and children.
2 ‘Sophie IS Safety’, Greets local volunteers.
3 “Sophie Serves”, Inspection of local scouts and guides.
4 ‘Sophie’s Strength”,Uphold the right, presents certificates to police and Prison staff.
5 ‘Sophie’s Choice’ ,Loves husband in uniform, Ambo’s and CFA volunteers.
6 ‘Sophie for Common Sense” Sophie abhors, pink tape, green tape, red tape. Will Cut symbolic tape and announce opening up all ‘National Parks for Business’.
7 ‘Sophie and the Queen” Tolmie art prize for best ‘God save the Queen’ portrait.
8 “Sophie the Conqueror’ Bash the Green Rat**. Potatoes substituted for green tennis balls, Bandt, Di Natale, Hanson Young etc..
9 ‘Sophie and God’,Official blessing, and hymn sung by united school chaplains choir.
10 ‘Sophie Anzac’, Unveiling cenotaph of Anzac hero.
11 ‘Sophie Respects our National Heritage’, Sophie March Past, Mountain Cattlemen.
12 ‘Sophie Cares’, ‘Demands better accommodation for retirees, fundraisers, ex faculty Deans’,
** 1 Local custom in which potatoes, (the rat) are rolled down a PVC pipe and the contestants are invited to “bash the rat” with little mallets. Potatoes will be substituted for Green tennis balls on this occasion to signify our candidates loathing for Green policies.