Vice-chancellor Duncan Maskell revealed how badly the prestigious university has been hit by the COVID-19 crisis in an appeal to staff on Thursday, when he urged them to agree to a 2.2 per cent pay cut. (The Age)
“This is an extremely difficult decision at a challenging time for our community,” Professor Maskell said.
Duncan, the very model of a modern Vice Chancellor. Steadfast to the principle of. accountancy.
“It affects many dedicated and hard-working staff members who have worked tirelessly for the university, especially over the last six months.”
Well put Duncan, we’re in furious agreement with you DEEP CUTS WILL HAVE TO BE MADE!
But ultimately, we’re utterly flabbergasted.
They ( The University of Melbourne) asked us at pcbycp to write the draft response and they edited the bit we were most PASSIONATE ABOUT out,
Dunk, On the job, signing, the UNI’s handover to the metric of the budget bottom line.
But just for the record here’s the unedited transcript. That’s the trouble with Uni these days, everything written on campus has to go through the Campus Confucian Centre. And now the student union is no longer compulsory, its the only place you can get a half price special fried rice, two dimmies and a drink on campus.
” And as Vice Chancellors right across the industry, we shall fight to the death our rights to obscene levels of remuneration, and stand fast with the Communist Party of China in identifying student Hong Kong seditionists and charging then under section 15 C of the enemy aliens act ( Incorporated as law Beijing march 2020).
Dunk enjoys a photo op at the ( Now student union fees are no longer compulsory) at the empty Caf.
And as further proof of our steadfast loyalty to the Communist party of China in ensuring that ‘rivers of gold’ shall flow from the resumption of student admissions, we will work in concert with ALL UNIVERSITIES to ensure hideously low wages for operatives to keep them ‘grateful” and “Humble” and the censorship of all anti party propaganda as University LAW.
And I say this with much conviction. We stand firm with Twiggy Forrest and Dan Tehan in de-funding humanities courses as they are not spade ready for the two pillars of the Australian economy ‘digging up shit and real estate’.
This is the image that Dunk sent to his mates in the Politburo to prove that there was no LIFE left at the UNI.
And finally, and I say this with some confidence, there is more life in a corona affected special accomodation home than you will find at Melbourne University. WE stand proud on our record of turning universities into vocational colleges and visa factories. And rest assured all our permanent staff are 100% Supine, sinecured and smug. Whist our contract staff, (the vast majority) are vulnerable, dissolute and utterly disposable. Neo-liberalism (said with a triumphant hand on heart) has delivered us a REVOLUTION in looking after the only metric that counts, the budget bottom line.
Just remember, as codified in our recent tour to the Annual Party Congress in which we were very happy to meet the leaders of our country, “Your children are Safe at Melbourne cos they never ever will have the need to ask the reason Why”?
IN his youth, Dunk prospered from a free tertiary education. He even read books then..(well… text books)
As the logo outside the John Medley building proclaims, they shall ” Believe”.
Paul Mees, criticised Government Transport policy and public private partnerships. Was hounded out of the UNI and DIED shortly thereafter.
BELIEVE in the sanctity of service and the decrees of obedience as laid out by an ultra conservative who goes by the moniker of “Dunkeld Farmer” and all who stand courageously to dismember the filthy shibboleth of MUP and FREEDOM of SPEECH. To hound out malcontents like PAUL MEES, who proclaim truth and filthy government contracts to ensure by persecution and obscenely high legal costs they be punished and DIE!
No paper issued for this university shall EVER offer an alternative vision other than JOBS and GROWTH.
Incidentally, since writing this my super has incremented by another 25% and my leave loading has quintupled… Essay marking? 24 dollars per hundred and they should be grateful. WE all have to do heavy lifting. I had to lift a book once by my own hand as an undergraduate, funny? Universities were free then. It was a struggle. The politicking and the back-stabbing of those infected with ethics and principles, but in the end I prevailed. And of original thought, of spirited public offerings to challenge, to think, to question? I have remained a tomb. It’s not the the right for Vice Chancellors to think for the betterment of society at large. Rather it’s the role to LEAD. To demonstrate LEADERSHIP and POWER!!! By looking after the other CEO’s who carry the burden of making RIVERS of GOLD for THEMSELVES! AND I make myself perfectly clear, by looking after the ESTABLISHMENT and FILTHY RICH BILLIONAIRE TAX KICKBACK CORPORATE DONORS!
Dunk sent this-un to China, enrolments soared.
As a fully CORPORATE CEO!!!
To talk of ” belt tightening” whilst enjoying all that holding high office entails, free tickets to any footy or cricket match, membership to club-land, and VIP, First Class Junketeering to any place on the GLOBE for EDUCATIONAL RESEARCH AND AS AN UNQUESTIONED DIVINE RIGHT!!
My autobiography, “Sinecured, smug and safe” is to be released next month. Published by MUP. I have Dan Tehan giving the oration..
Introspection? Never heard of it .
Dunk chose this one as his favourite; ” Whichever way you look at it, it’s utterly meaningless”,
“Waiter, this wine is corked, I asked for the Margot 54 you dolt!!