Good evening, Directors and board, and fellow board members of the Crown Group.
The non executive chairman, Is that the chairman you’ve got when you aint got a chairman?
Being chairman of the AFL I picked up a thing or two. And when it comes to due diligence I’ll put my hand out every time. It’s economical. Five hundred bucks a minute and that includes GST.
I’ve got what it takes. Before I became a Commissioner, and then a board member, I played for Nth Melbourne. Their performance this season speaks volumes, and since then my weight and heft have groan. That’s spelt, (looks down, checks files) “GROAN”.
I cant remember my name. Starts with A…. That sound right?
About a mate of mine who goes by the name of Dazza, helped me sort a few things out in how to get things done. (Looks at notes again)
“Whether you’re a fellow board member, Hang on? “Whether you’re a Premier a P.M, President or Prince Andrew, Let Dazza sort it right for you. Turn. over”,
Excuse me. ‘TURN OVER’!
Andrew learnt to read notes from Acquire Learning. A free laptop and Sherrin footy signed by Andrew himself for every enrolment. And a special invite to “Andy’s Drop-kick Academy”.
‘For the best casino you wanna buy Andrew is not far away, He’s played for Norta Melbourne an a Foot-a-scray’. (Looks up, wipes brow)
Begs the question, why wasn’t Clive appointed to the board of Crown? He’s BIG.
Seriously though. Im glad you’ve asked my advice on Airport deals. Speak to Angus bout my charge-out rates. Im glad, and I think it’s opportune for me to be given the nod after my stellar performance in the Casino enquiry and as ex-head of the AFL to be given this opportunity to manage the what’s left of Crown and for that matter airports. The punters arrive by air, so I’ve been told. My old mate Mantac, said; ‘if it’s a position you’ve gotta fill, keep one hand in the till’. And the last manager, what’s his name, gave me a few tips. Be charming… ‘I’m a charming person, person, personficational’, and of no visible substance, that way you won’t frighten the investors.
And as I did as director for my brothers educational initiative, what was it called? “Acquire Learning”? I’ve got form as a good sport. I’ll sit on your office three days a week, sometimes, upwards of fifteen minutes, and you send the cheques via me mate Angus. Just fill em in, I’ll sign em, to Angus’s Cayman Islands slush fund. You know what? Angus said it was ‘money for Jam’, he wasn’t joking!! ‘JAM-LAND’! Kinda got a ring to it. Easier than Crown or ICAC? It’s the numero uno for diverting Federal funds. Says here on the brochure,100 per cent taxpayer backed and no questions asked. As Witness K, or Lawyer X put it, it ‘ Ticks ALL THE BOXES’!
Alex and John at Acquire learnt the term ” liquidation” at Acquire learning. Pity John didn’t get a gig on the board of Crown, he may have remembered being there.
As I was saying to Daryl the other day,
Excuse me..
‘As Chairman of this board I exercise due, de, due, due, ju-rispudence, hang on whilst I look that one up, and’
‘ I Will not accept bribes in brown paper bags’,
ALDI Bags are OK”! (Shuffles paper),
“Well that seems fair enough”,
Well as Howie was sayin to me the other day, he said “I can’t remember’?
Bugger me, I cant remember what Dan said either,
Nor, come to think of it what Jamie said.
The MR BIG of CROWN.
Something about deck-chairs overboard.
On yer yachts
Somewhere in the Pacific. “Pacifically speaking”
Jeez, cant remember what Clive said either, (reflectively)
Funny all these people in powerful positions who cant remember shit’.
Why am I here?
Cant remember,
What?
Another Mr BIG of CROWN, who famously aint so big any more.
And enquiry? You tell me, then we’ll both know,
Know what?
Cant remember,
For micro-managing?
Ask Daniel or Brett?
He cant remember either…
Who am I?
What?
Angus?
Hello, haven’t we met before?
Psssst, for the best airport, environment, planning, infrastructure, re- funding of shitty coal powered station deal you wanna buy, Angus aint far away. He’s just a stamped self addressed (cheque enclosed) address to Angus’s Cayman fund, and he’s a here to stay’. Mark envelope clearly with ‘AIRPORT PLANNING’ and indicate via number, the sum, (Aus$, Bitcoin or U.S $) proposed for a swift referral. Note, taxpayer funded gifts may take longer than the usual one week processing time. We regret this inconvenience as we are required to give lip service to the usual red and green tape standing in the way of PROGRESS!
Angus is it?