Tay

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Tea was pronounced ‘tay’ in Ancient Rome.

Julius Caesar was invited, with other guests, to afternoon tea at Brutus’ house. On the table was a big plateful of cakes. Brutus asked his guests to confine themselves to one sticky bun each. Julius Caesar, who was enormously thirsty, kept on calling out for the teapot to be refilled and the servants were kept busy forever running in and out with freshly brewed pots of ‘tay’.

Towards the late afternoon an official complaint was heard from one of the VIP guests that he hadn’t had a single sticky bun.

Brutus looked sternly about the table. The serving dish was empty, not a crumb remaining. His gaze came to rest eventually on Julius Caesar, who was hastily and surreptitiously attempting to cram the last of the last purloined comestible into his gob.

Brutus half drew his dagger, his eyes boring into those of old Caesar.

‘You were only allowed one!’ he hissed, his plump jowls wobbling dangerously, ‘ and how many did you eat?’.

Caesar, red faced and ashamed, looked tearfully into Brutus’ eyes;
‘Ate two! Ate two!.’ he confessed, sobbing brokenly, his outstretched arm clutching his hopeful cup. “Brew tay?’.

All that was heard in response to this shameless request was the soft and susurrous slide of stilettos.
We will draw a well mannered veil over the gory aftermath of this little known pre-Earl Grey Affair and thank the Gods that we live in more civilized times. Suffice it to say that ole Julius departed this mortal coil soon after this, which was rather earlier than he’d expected and which took him quite by surprise.  (allowing Shakespeare to finally get on with ‘The  Two Gentlemen of Verona’.)
Well, this was an unexpected treat, wasn’t it?
The O’Flaherty