Dear reader, the following is an edited extract of an address prepared by The Minister for Immigration the Rt. Hon. Peter Dutton to the IPA Melbourne. This address was to have been presented by Royal Commission Head Dyson Heydon, but due to time constraints, (the invitation had to be re-written from email by feathered quill onto parchment in copperplate the sent by courier in litter), the Minister kindly agreed to perform the task in person.

The Immigration Minister. Protecting our interests by dismissing Fairfax and ABC as rubbish!!

There’s been some disturbing news recently. Claims have been made that the Federal Government has embarked upon the militarisation of the bureaucracy. There’s a level of shrill hysteria being exhibited out there. People are “seriously worried about the rise of a paramilitary”. There’s even claims being made by the Fairfax press and the some in the ABC that what we’re seeing here is the thin end of the wedge, the rise of a ‘Gestapo Mentality’. To instill fear, retribution and paralysis amongst the so called chattering classes.

What rubbish!!!

The Intervention. Protecting Aboriginal Australians

To survive, we need a Stronger Australia And it’s simple. We have proven that Aboriginal Australians have been saved by military intervention. And it works. Natural then that lesson should be applied to the rest of us.

Australia is at the crossroads, The future poses severe challenges! I have it on personal authority from none other than George Brandis and his esteemed colleague Corey Bernardii, that there’s a jobs boom for good civic minded citizens. In the interests of ‘public safety’ our uniformed officers just want to get on and do their their job. And a bloody fine job they’re doing at that. Australia need these people. WE have lost thousands of jobs in manufacturing. There’s just not enough real estate left to sell to the Chinese to prop up the economy. We have staggering youth unemployment. With the wise crackdown on renewables we shall see a permanent underclass of willing, supine, pliant dolts. But they must have some source of valuable employment. Because the figures speak for themselves. It’s an economic reality. There aren’t enough jobs (in the saviour of humanity sector industries) to go round. Coal can’t do all the heavy lifting alone!!

Law and order are the new Growth sectors. We’ve streamlined our service sector, but there are still radical improvements that must be made. For starters, we’ve got rid of the carbuncle of tram conductors, station masters and an entire panoply of time serving wastrels. We have replaced them with our new PSO.s. With your safety in mind they are all heavily armed. And like our policemen wear black. Border force will grow beyond its initial seven thousand jobs. Their guns will make us all safe. To ensure that those borders, outside, inside, and within, are rigorously enforced. This is just the beginning. Sherriffs will soon be issued with new uniforms, and carry bigger guns. School crossing attendants will be armed to give new meaning to “Road Safety”. Teachers, librarians, state and federal public servants, members of City Councils, and the vast bulk of employees will be issued with new uniforms. Cleaning up the mess left by Labor’s ‘debt and deficit disaster’.

New Uniform being trialled for School Crossing Supervsors. Road rage and Bullet proof.

And to make it easier for you our there, (not in uniform yet) we are introducing a colour coded scheme to ensure that these new uniforms for Team Australia are instantly recognisable;

Law and order; black or very dark blue. The Green Corps; dark green. Academics, Teachers; dark Grey. Legal fraternity; light Grey ABC journalists; beige or pink, (under consideration). Health care workers; white. Cultural workers, (museums, libraries, galleries) crimson. Emergency services; very dark blue. Army; green. Ancillary service sector; mechanics, plumbers, electricians; cobalt blue.

How easy , it’ll ensure that people in service are identified by colour, thus making it easier to identify those in the street who are not in the right colour. To facilitate this we’ve deleted brownish, blackish or yellow-ish as not appropriate ‘Team Australia’ colours.

We’re adapting surplus stock from DDR to make Australia Safe. New Border Force protective headgear being trialed.

So it’s goodbye manufacturing and that pesky intelligentsia and hello to a new, smart, disciplined force of uniformed officers designed and coordinated to protect us. With this clarification of roles, between government and executive officers there will no longer be the hazy quandary of separation of powers. We will be stronger, and better equipped to deal with future challenges and ensure that the rest of the world knows that Australia is ‘Open for Business’. The message is clear. Look out, leaners, boat people, the poor, the disenfranchised. If you don’t like it, get the message. Get into a uniform and serve. Demonstrate you’re backing Team Australia. And, in answer to the critics, these new uniforms though not manufactured in Australia, are not MADE in China. We have jobs to ensure that the stocks generously donated to us from the former Democratic Republic of East Germany are of the first order, and can be adapted to ensure that every strata of society is attired in the correct uniform. To demonstrate unyielding obedience to the rule of State.

Thank goodness we’re repealing laws. Thank christ we’re ensuring that we walk lock step with strong leadership in assuring that this country stands for something. So sing with us in chorus;

We’ve stopped the boats, To make us SECURE

We’ve arrested the budget crisis,  Labor made us ENDURE

We’ve stopped labors debt and deficit disaster, It was a seven year ITCH

And thrown out pesky Gillard, We’ve ditched the BITCH/WITCH

And we’ve imposed no new taxes, Our commitment to this promise is SEALED

Repeal Laws for species (not mentioned in bible), Open cut coal mine’s in every FIELD

We’ve retained Dyson Hayden, There aint non FINER

We’re making Australia safer, By selling it to CHINA