More news from the Innovation Minister, and commentary from the Minister for the Environment, the ‘Worlds Best Minister’, The Rt Hon, Member for Finders Greg Hunt. M.P
Sporting Legend Pharlap. Undoubtedly if Pharlap had been around in our modern era, he would’ve been awarded World’s Best Horse. Though the UAE, and Emirates have a nuanced view of human rights and ecology, they adore Horseflesh.
Dear reader, seldom in recent times have we had good reason to be optimistic about the science of innovation in this country. And in these dynamic changing times there’s been little to celebrate about the trajectory of science in schools, tertiary institutions and what laughably passes for industry. Since the Minister for Innovation, the Rt Hon Christopher Pyne announced significant cuts to the climate and weather research components in our premier national research facility CSIRO, there’s been a spontaneous reaction, and an outpouring of grief not seen since the death of Pharlap.
CEO of CSIRO Mr Larry Marshall. Demonstrating excellent taste in shirts, and the value of Real Estate for CSIRO holdings in Sydney and Hobart. Most likely runner up in “World’s best Climate Research Science Luddite’ in near unanimous vote by UAE, Vladimir Putin and the IPA.
In an open letter, some 3500 of the worlds climate scientists have urged the government to reconsider its decision. But the Minister and his brave lieutenant Larry Marshall, have replied; ‘We don’t want any of you soft-cock lefties turning us from the proven path to innovation and scientific excellence’. And they’re quite right. How can we excel without manufacturing? How can we even begin to think creatively when the only industry we have left is resource depletion, prisons, and real estate?
There is an answer. In this exclusive the Minister announces the cuts and enthusiastically points to a future where all the research and process within the CSIRO will be managed, and outsourced by private enterprise. Namely, those forward thinking corporations, represented by the Minerals and Energy Council who have ‘made a significant contribution to Australia’s outstanding record in prosperity and employment’.
From Coal to Real Estate. Australian Industry proving that they are ‘Truly Amazing’!
Making Climate Science Fun!!
The following is a excerpt from the Ministers speech. “Dear ladies and gentlemen, individual and respected members. It gives me great pleasure to announce innovation beyond the first of three hundred cuts to the CSIRO’s climate, science and oceanic division. I can promise you a general plethora of cuts to come. Once again we’re proving that when it comes to lifting, we at the federal government are ahead of the pack. Some may say this represents a diminution, or has been quoted; ‘the annihilation of our climate science capability’, but I say such talk is alarmist and misses the point. The climate science is irrefutable, the climate is changing, we recognise the antipathy of the conservative, retrograde Abbott government to climate, and science in general. But the Turnbull government is one hundred percent committed to innovation. However, keeping the climate science division in fact, unchanged, ‘business as usual’ is Non innovative!!. We need to demonstrate our innovation capability and maintain our position as number one.
As you’ve seen from the excellently produced and manifestly expensive advertisements on television we’re really serious about having well groomed people, and even ‘new australians’ getting on board about this innovation stuff. The photography is magnificent and it’s got smart computer graphics in colour. And in recognition of this, we are transferring the entire climate division lock stock and smoking barrel, into a proven performer. That’s right, the CSIRO also has to do its share of heavy lifting, and thats why we have re-badged the climate science division, ‘the Institute for Research and Better Outcomes’ into REAL ESTATE. By transferring these jobs into real estate we can at last say that the CSIRO is truly accountable. They have significant holdings, and I’ve been reminded by my friends at the Department of Urban and Regional Planning that the CSIRO, in the Antarctic Division alone, possess, considerable acreage of PRIME waterfront frontage in Hobart, and Sydney. This, converted to real estate, will generate substantial earnings for the new division of Earth Sciences, which I am proud to say, will be run by the Minerals and Energy Council.
Greg Hunt. Arguably also the ‘World’s Best Environment Minister’. Voted protoplasmanoids star system 12 B, Sector Seven. Nebula 24/K345.
We cannot change the climate, we recognise our contribution to overall greenhouse gas emission though large by capita is infinitesimally small in global terms. That’s why we must be responsible, accountable and far reaching. Our’s is not to reason why, but to fuel the great driver of this economy, and ensure that innovation, demonstrated in the substantial growth of housing estates on the urban fringes is given free rein to employ thousands. To support the subsidiary growth industries of shopping at Bunnings, banking and prisons. In a nutshell, the CSIRO, will be re-badged to The Commercial Services Infrastructure Research Offices, (CSIRO) Australasia Limited. And research? Well we’ve got research a plenty. Only the other day the former Victorian state minister for Infrastructure Mr Mathew Guy rezoned Fishermen’s’ Bend overnight. His mates made an absolute killing. What better research is there than that! It’s a proven winner.
And it gives me great pleasure to introduce from that paragon of democratic thought, the Arab Emirates the nominated ‘World Best Minister’ Mr Greg Hunt’. (thunderous applause) . ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, and our friends from the Minerals and Energy Council let me say just one thing; ‘Our National Parks are Open for Business’. Let’s show to the world just what we think about the uncertain science of climate change. The critics, lefties and environmentalists say we don’t appreciate global ecology, but what they fail to recognise is that the environment is real estate. And real estate is; ‘something you can bank on for the FUTURE”!