Dear reader, as you may recall incredibly our trio of heroes including Australia’s most decorated soldier ‘Benny-Boy’ Roberts Smith,  found themselves at last on the surface.

Somehow, by some miracle, or dare we suggest the agency of a greater being,( as this episode invokes the spirit of the Religious Discrimination Bill) they have been delivered from evil . 

An evil of such magnitude that Vladimir would be hard pressed to make it any evil- er. An evil so pronounced and so manifest in every corridor of the nation’s parliament that we wonder if things will ever be the same. Will the nation’s capital ever recover and return to some semblance of normality and will the evil doer who so heinously defiled Ms Culthorpe our tea-lady during her stint as parliamentary intern ever be bought to justice? Is there justice left when only the tea-leaves can suggest a future that’s not stymied by corruption, the stench of nepotism and croneyism.

Do not despair, there is hope. Not in the new government which may or may not have a mandate for accelerated change and accountability. No not that at all, the hope that Sophie, who crafted the Teal-nado through her sociopathy and obdurance may yet be recognised as more than just a vital board member of the Fair Work Commissioner. The question is can Sophie bounce back from her fight with Dutto and with her dozen other half million a year salaried Commissioners determine a fair wage increment for poorly paid workers? Will it been another twenty cents, as high as fifty cents, or maybe even a generous whole dollar? 

Such is the responsibility of those who must maintain standards so that lowly paid workers don’t get uppity. 

Since the Teals stormed the winter palace, (Crown Resorts) there’s been a lot of uppity-ness lately. But rest assured not too much cos SCOMO sensibly stacked every board, commission and public agency with his mates just to make damn sure that change would not change anything. 

But try as he might there is STILL change afoot? 

That Sophie, unrequited, unrealised and unremarkable may yet still rise to the highest office in the land and become a director or even, may we hope a chairman of Crown Resorts or something bigger still, such as a fully fledged Secretary of the United Nations? You think that’s far fetched? With the world sliding into totalitarianism, it takes a hard nut to crack the likes of Vlad and Xi, and Sophie has got what it takes, an utter and compete absence of empathy or compassion. 

How is Sophie and Dutto getting on? We return to our saga, our heroes temporarily reprieved and the king-pins Sophie and Dutto fighting it out for supremacy. 

‘Lets face it potato -head, you couldn’t get a bit part in a B grade horror movie cos you’re not even C or D grade’. 

‘Wanna make a bet, I’m gonna be the leader of the Liberal party. Under my agency There’ll be shiny new uniforms, Cool peaked hats, and shiny boots,!  I’ll change the national anthem, and edict compulsory military training for kiddies under the age of ten. As Gauleiter of Queensland, my reach will be….. Un…unreachable’! 

Sophie Scoffed, ‘You couldn’t reach the dunny brush to scratch your own arse if you tried, you’re a has-been Dutto and I’ve gotta tell you, the tide of  John Howardism has run out, and the whole party can’t wait to see the last of ya’!. 

‘Aren’t you talking of yourself? Ya couldn’t win an election cos you were basically unelectable you look like a bean bag and your face is craggier than the Great Barrier Reef and the Crown of Thorns Starfish’! 

(Editors Note) Dear reader we apologise for this base invective, as you can see the quality of parliamentary debate had not improved, one can only hope with the new Federal Government there is a lift in standards. We can only hope!

‘Is that what you think’! And with a power beyond her size, she lifted Dutto up and flung him across the street. He landed with a ‘kerplunk’.  ‘I learnt the ancient art of ju-jitsu when I worked with Gina, and Ive got some moves you wouldn’t know’!

‘Wanna make a bet’?, And with that Dutto dextrously unclipped his standard Queensland Police truncheon, and flicked it across his shoulders. It landed with a loud ‘thwack’! Sophies face, (pudgy at best flashed pink and bruised) and you could tell, it must have hurt, because she went ‘Phwawwww’, and with an impulse faster than lightning, she retaliated by throwing a rubbish bin back at Dutto and it disgorged its dusty contents, long decayed and putrefied all over him. He wiped himself down, and in amongst the detritus noticed a newspaper article. He read it  distractedly, and then fixing on a discovery expostulated ‘LOOK AT THIS’!

‘Our lives depend on this, and if we don’t sort it out where in big trouble!!!

Sophie waddled over and read the piece, something about Radium Springs and Maralinga, and a little scrawl at the bottom, RG 201294 451. SW 321 12 k, NE 132 6 k… ‘So what Dutto! What’s the issue’?

 ‘Don’t you understand, RG 201294 is the secret unit developed by Mi 5 and the heads of Asio to quarantine mutants and, the RG 201294 refers to the sacred birth date of our eternal leader MING! This is highly classified, and in the 50’s if anyone outside of ASIO knew about it they’d, ( he searched for a suitable descriptor) would just disappear. These co-ordinates Give us the exact location of the Doomsday Box!

The Doomsday box?

Yes! the vital computer in which all the codes are kept and the activation switch for ‘Big Barnaby’.  

‘Big Barnaby’?, Sophie looked non- plussed, suspecting as most folk woud that the ‘Beet-rooter’ was active as a potential threat. 

‘Yes,  the worlds first ever positronic valve and wire-guided robot. And I know this because my father helped design it, and strangely, if you want to know,  (he spoke in a whisper),  it looks a bit like me’.. 

Sophie dropped the tyre lever she was about to hit Dutto over the head with and cried, ‘we’ve let them go’.. 

‘What’!!! Then Dutto cried exasperatedly.. ‘we’ve let the cat out of the bag, where are they’?

Oh, Dutto shrieked, ‘they cannot be allowed to get to civilisation’, 

‘They must have gone out through the emergency exit in building Y’. 

They  looked down the street, the buildings were clearly marked and sure enough behind the faded facade between buildings X and Z the large letter Y.. ‘That’s it, let’s go’! 

And grabbing her jackboots under her arm, and with Dutto retrieving his Queensland copper truncheon, they raced for the stairwell. 

Will Dutto and Sophie catch our hapless heroes or will they break the bonds of penile servitude? 

Find out in the next National Party sponsored episode, ‘The righteous rump’!, or ‘Can-a-van bring Barnaby back from the brink’?