Truth? The Phoney wars first victim? But who’s gonna pick up the phoney?

We pick up where we left off with the Ministers cunning strategy of lacing infant formula with heroin, and the confidence that came with knowing that not only was HRH Prince Andrew on our side, but that he was going into bat. Whatever the Chinese hurled at us, we knew deep down, that we were safe. But still there were many shoals to encounter before our little gunboat could be in safe waters. 

But almost before we could relax, knowing that Empire V.2 would save us, the Minister was back on the line. ‘What is it’? we clamoured. ‘News aint good from the Palace. Since Prince Charles was infected with Covid, things have gone a bit potty’! 

‘The Prince has always been that way’ Ces reflected. 

‘Nup this is way more serious than his fairies in the bottom of the garden and reciting poetry to orchids in the greenhouse? 

TRUTH WARS? SAS Fridge magnets being trialled in Australian homes.

‘More potty than endless recitations of Goon Show scripts’? Ces enquired

‘He’s changed, and so has Boris, they’ve become ,in a word…. Chinese’!

‘Shit, this was worse than anything Arthur Caldwell ever encountered, how could this be’? 

‘Dunno, but listen to this’…

He patched us through to the palace, over the cracking ether we could hear music, the opening bars of another Chinese opera, “Drunken beauty”. 

Another Chinese opera, another secret code. This was evil, nefarious, and insidious, Chinese espionage at work masquerading as culture. And as Ces interjected, ‘you won’t find this on any telly channel, and there aint no adverts either’. 

This image was DOCTORED.

Scoundrels!

‘Yes’, the Minister had changed his tone, he was dead serious now.  ‘It’s taken root in the U.K. The Queen has already lost Prince Phillip and Charles to it, and the royal corgis were last seen hanging round the royal kitchens. But since last Saturday they’ve vanished. That happened about the same time the royal kitchen started serving traditional Chinese dishes. We all gulped, traditional was another code. Code for ” 24 secret herbs and spices, and traces of corgi’.

Members of the royals infected with corona have gone over to China since their recovery. 

Innovative Street tree planter design. Another victim of TRUTH WARS!

And this is the worst part, we steeled ourselves for the crushing blow. Ever since he came back from New York, Prince Andrew has simply dissappeared. No-one knows where he is, just vanished into thin air! You can forget about Prince Andrew saving us, we think, our intelligence sources believe he’s gone over to China. No one who wields absolute authority in the U.K is safe, and one by one, like dominoes (for added effect) THEY WILL FALL’!

‘And’, he paused for effect, ‘the PM’? We trembled. ‘Him too. He’s recovered, but he’s,  how should I put it? He’s changed. According to our insiders he’s the full bottle on Chinese Opera, wants to change the scheduling for the proms night. Scrap ‘Land of Hope and Glory’ for “ the Legend of the Red Lantern’, and ‘The Qing Ding Pearl”. And there’s more. We’re in the tail-end of the Brexit negotiations and Boris was in conference with Angela, Emanuel and whoever the bloke is who’s running Italy, they were about to agree on the Irish back door, and Boris started humming the ‘Revolution Opera”. The Europeans thought he was taking the piss, and then just to prove a point he started talking about the ‘five bad eyes’ and then turned off the chat room. It’s a bloody catastrophe. If the corona gets to our PM we’re buggered. Since Donald lost the election the White House aint answering the phone either. Last thing we heard Rupert has lost interest in the whole thing and he’s in Beijing working on how to monetise the handover, 

The handover?

TRUTH WARS. Another doctored image.(the doctor was on-hand to perform a head transplant)

Yep, the handover of all that’s left of western culture. 

What? Even the unassailable, sacred and profound worth of Anzackery as a symbol of enduring national purity that shall never ever be questioned whilst an eternal flame burns of natural gas, itself a symbol of post Covid fossil fuel recovery? 

Precisely!

We were yet no further from unlocking the embargo on barley, the boycott of wine, the crayfish crisis and the coal curtailment. And without Prince Andrew we felt DOOMED! All we had left was just a glimmer of  HOPE! What will happen in our next thrilling episode, 

China trains its batsmen in unorthodox fielding as it prepares its one day first eleven. A clear sign of INTENT to pursue GLOBAL DOMINATION and distort TRUTH to achieve the ultimate GOAL!

“Falun Gonged” or “Not so kind hearts and Corona- nets’.