Simon Birmingham, who looks a little bit like Errol takes a peek inside our think- tank.

How to work with China, (from our China experts). 

Dear reader, as an internationally recognised agency of  pan strategic global politics and a bit of a think- tank, (our think tank is unique, the ex RAN Collins Class rescue vessel, ‘HMAS Suppository of Wisden’ has been specially fitted out by our friends from Crown. It includes, leather upholstered Chesterfield lounge setting, an ex-Crown gaming table with intact magnets, scanning and listening devices and a full size television screen offering Playstation, X box and VHS for older thinkers and a high roller accredited washer and dryer for currency handling and cocaine dispenser) we are regularly asked by International governments and private enterprise what our view is in any given contemporary diplomatic issue. 

Ces looks out of the think tank airlock before re-entering and continuing DEEP THOUGHT!

In this we give succinct and direct advice, 

Our advice is backed up by in-depth analysis, and vetted by our experts in political science, economics, international law and real estate. Thus equipped our hotline is red-hot on advice to leadership groups the world over on what to invest in, what direction to take, and for the UK government, what private firms to give vast amounts of cash for the notional supply of PPE’s without due diligence, tendering process or analysis as to whether the firm has any expertise in the field they allege to represent. And we give this advice solely upon the condition that the directors of any of the said firms can prove their family links to current Ministers of the Crown. 

Quent imagines alternate realities and questions the inviolable truth of payday lending and Sports bet from the think tank

In doing so we lubricate the wheels of governance, and ensure that the status quo is maintained. Namely, that the rich and powerful get  to stay on top, and the vast majority who pay taxes are treated with benign contempt. That is the way of the world. 

Until yesterday. 

The phone went white hot. It was Simon Birmingham. He’s our Trade Minister.  Sime got straight to the point; “I’ve a problem with China”!.  

“Yeah mate’ we good humouredly replied; “who hasn’t got a problem with China’?. Simon laughed, “Yep it inspires some more of me poetry’,

“Some say it’s a systemic failure

But China’s gone crook on Australia’

Simon on a field trip in search of new trade partnerships.

We all had a laugh, in spite of the fracas between China and Canberra he could still inspire poetry. That’s the Aussie spirit in full. When faced with adversity to have a laugh. That’s why we keep changing the lyics to “Advance Australia”, the song is so boring no one knows any of the lyrics. A change here and there won’t make any difference. ‘Have another crack Si’, we all laughed, by now he was on speaker phone, who said the wit and skill of repartee and informed debate was missing in Canberra?’

‘Yeah mate , we’ve be laughing as much as a container frull of crayfish in a Chinese port’

‘Or a Container of Aussie wine, left to rot on the docks’.

‘Or a bulk carrier of barley, that’s been becalmed’,

‘Or a foreign students uni fees that will never be refunded’, 

‘Or, wait for it, an Australian born Chinese’s pledge of loyalty to Eric Abetz” 

By this stage Si was in full flow, ‘Hang on a mo, got another one, 

‘They dont like our wine, barley, crayfish and more

But they cant keep their hands of our iron ore.’

‘Bewdy Si that should go into Hansard’!

 Si agreed, “or maybe another verse of Advance Australia’? 

Si was on the ball, with this bloke holding the levers of trade.  We were in good hands, “how can we help you Si”? 

Trialling the compact think-tank and think-tankette, Shanghai trade Fair 2020.

‘Well it’s tricky see. And what I’m about to tell you about our trade relationship is top secret, that’s why I called you, a trusted source and it’s in CODE. It’s all about “Foreign Interference”. 

In a flash we knew what he was talking about. Foreign interference could only be one thing. 

Foregn interference was code for  …..

Internal workings of “HMAS Suppository of Wisden”. (not shown Don’s batting average 99.9 stencilled to exterior in Gold).

What is the code? Will Simon Birmmingham unlock this new threat upon Australian culture?  Or will he suffer a legislative assembly of the Hong Kong parliament? Find our in the next thrilling episode, “Australias yellow- tinged peril” or “ Two Wongs dont make a white paper”.