Dear reader, once again, as Vlodimir and Vladimir trade insults, the cost of everything goes sky high, the little people are punished pushed and pulverised it is comforting to know that tax cuts for obscenely well paid members of Australian society are proceeding full stream ahead.
Proof perfect of the ‘clever country’ at work and the boon of trickle-down economics!
Have things ever been this fraught? Find out in this next compelling episode as our hapless trio, disparagingly referred to by our most famous and decorated soldier ever, the Rogue warrior SAS Ubersturmbanfuehrer ‘Benny Boy’ Roberts Smith and his nefarious side-kick Julian, ‘he’s just a very naughty boy’ Assange play perilously with percussive pullulating pig skins in tune and perfect syncopated rhythm to the ‘Drums of War’….
Read on…
Ces had a bold plan,
‘See that counterweight’?
Trialling new high-speed rail in Crimea. So fast the tracks burn!
Worlds First semi-amphibious freeway. This is the off ramp!
Ces pointed to the counterweight attached to the drilling platform. ‘See the cable’? He pointed to the cable. We could see Benny Boy and Julian sizing up the opportunities. Ces matter of factly explained his strategy; ‘If we were to uncouple that cable and substitute the lead weight on that counterweight for the gold bullion we’ve got stashed here and used that 44-gallon load of grey paint and slap a bit of it over till they’re indistinguishable from the counterweight we can substitute the ingots for lead, and fill the ute tray. By the time they find out, we’ll be back to the scene of the crime, grab the real ingots and be outta here’.
Both Benny boy and Julian scratched their heads. ‘I dunno, how long would it work for’? Julian remarked. We looked at Julian, with two of terry’s camels in his mouth he smoked nervously and looked more pale, more dishevelled and more sickly than ever. Ces replied matter of factly; ‘As long as it takes to do the switch and by the time Brenny-boy finds out, we’ll have grabbed the real gold and they’ll be none the wiser. We melt back into our normal lives and Gina and Nev put all their energies into slotting Brendan, who they’ll think flogged the ingots. And you know why’?
Really Tough Guy! Feeds horse bare- handed!
‘Why’? Quent asked non plussed, ‘Cos Brendan being a former pollie he will be bent like the rest of em. Like a Queensland copper you know they’re bent, and more often than not more bent than the crims themselves, and Gina and Nev’? Ces paused for greater emphasis;’ They’re the biggest crims on the scene. Cos they’re linked to the numero uno in the crime scene, then’, he paused for special and dramatic emphasis, “The HOUSE OF WINDSOR’!
There was silence, and then Benny boy, scratching his forehead, asked, wjth a puzzled expression coursing his warrior like square jaw, and bullet deflecting countenance;’ But how we gonna melt the gold, and transfer the lead, and re- paint the lead ingots as gold? I don’t see any gold paint floating about’. With that, Ces almost triumphantly walked over the other land cruiser, the one they’d pulled the wheels off in case they were followed, then open the tarp revealing something almost implausible. For inside, gleaming stood a 44-gallon drum of Dulux ‘Gold Paint’.
Australia’s most famous-est tough guy!
‘I think this un must’ve been left over from the last Diggers and Dealers float, when Gina paid an entire Port headland tribe to dress up in corrobboree gear and paint themselves gold, on her Hancock prospecting Golden Futures Float. It caused quite a sensation. Although it was a remarkable display of direct action to employ otherwise useless layabouts no-one liked the idea of ‘gold face’ and in the end they were left with all this paint. Some of it, say 25% is actual gold flake! So in the end, it’s worth more than fool’s gold to us’. They all looked at the gold paint. It certainly looked like the real thing. ‘But how we gonna melt the lead and convert the ingots to a counterweight? I don’t see a Bessemer converter here, and what are we gonna use for moulds, and how much time have we got’? Julian we could see despite his bravado was clearly a bit of a worrier.
‘All in good time’! Ces had it all figured out. ‘We’ve got these’, and behind the ute was neatly stacked a palette of modelling clay. ‘They used this for the float, they had little effigies of Lang and Rolf on the side, two of their most famous sons. If the diggers and dealers’ event for 2021 hadn’t been cancelled due to covid it would have resurrected these two great Australians and put them at the forefront. We need national heroes’! And with that, Benny fingering the ribbon of his VC began to hum ‘Two little boys’. It was a touching and empathetic display of emotion for the man of steel., still we looked around, not even a drainage channel to be rolled off and felt a sigh of relief.
With tough guys, power corrupts!
‘All we have to do is melt the lead in THIS’! He pointed to two large concrete troughs, ‘with THIS’! He pointed to three large oxy cylinders,’ and THIS’! He pointed to two discarded barbeque’s’ and pour this into THAT’! He pointed to the smaller containers that roughly matched the size of the counterweight, ‘and with THIS’! Pointing to the modelling clay, ‘we make an impression of THESE’! He pointed to the ingots, ‘and presto we’re in production’!
We all looked at each other, Ces had a way with logistics. It seemed almost too easy, and yet at the same time, bit like the board of Essendon it felt better just to walk away. But something in them, was it the spirit of Anzackery? Held them together, the invisible thread of kinship, the indissoluble dye of mateship.
They don’t come tougher than Lukashenko. Hat courtesy of Postman Pat.
Could they do it?
Do they have enough time?
Will Brenny, Nev, Clifford form MI6 get to them before they’d made the swap?
Who cares?
Three tough guys. The middle bloke is so tough he’s into Wagner. (Gotterdamerung)
Find out in the next aurically charged episode, ‘an argot for ingots’, or ‘casting for aspersions by royal decree might get you thrown off a cliff’…