In happier days; ‘Look Benny- Boy, over there is where we’re building the ANZAC LEGENDS Light and Sound Extravaganza!
Dear reader, like the issue of John Barilaro’s non-appointment to the cushy posting in New York, we must return to our saga and find out what might happen next to our anti-heroes, Ces, Quent and Terry. Since being almost blown up in the subterranean city of ‘Uranium Springs’, the episode at the Maralinga Air terminal and their arrival via ‘Cliffy “at Barnaby Downs, things have just got worser and worser.
(we at pcbycp would like to apologise for this inadvertent grammatical error as it is not considered correct English useage. However, we felt after heated debate that such an expression reflected more accurately contemporary idiom. And to replace it with standard English the tenor of the sentiment would be lost. We hope you, (dear reader) accept this slump in correct usage as a reflection of contemporary norms rather than an absence of academic rigor which we are closely associated with. We return to our saga…….
‘Thanks Brennie, if we hadn’t paid for the V.C, the whole shebang would’ve been rooted! I owe you my immortality as an undisputed Christ-like ANZAC LEGEND’!
We let the words sink in. Quent was the first to question Brendan’s strategy. ‘So Gina was in for high stakes, with the House of Windsor being the broker. ‘So I spose that’s why Gina wants us knocked off’? Phlegmatically as ever Nelson replied, ‘Partly’!
‘And that’s why Cliffy is here’? Brendan looked non- plussed. Our grasp of the situation was unexpected. Clearly he’d been used to the wet tea-towel and soggy marshmallow treatment of Senate Estimates. ‘I spose you’re gonna tell us next that V.C’s are up for grabs if you can find the right money? Is that the real story behind Kerry and Benny- Boys V.C? Was it like one of Boris’s or Tony’s Knighthoods for ‘Services to the realm’? (We could see Brendan wince at the memory of Tony Blair who’s major crime was in being a Tory PM who swayed too much to Labor. And we could tell by doing the Windsor’s dirty work he though he’d be a shoe- in for a Knighthood or at the very least an OBE).
‘Well yes, the Benny thing was an inside job more or less. We needed a few VC’s out of the Afghanistan conflict to raise the profile of Australians in the field. With the Yanks and the Poms using it, (their sacred mission to civilise heathen wops unanointed by the benefits of Sportsbet24/7 and non-stop shopping at Chaddy) for all it was worth there was no room for Australia’s side of the story. Unless we got a VC or two out of it. And with Kerry putting up the money, and through the right channels, we had one approved from the palace in the nick of time’!
‘Cliffy’, the AWM and V.C go-to Middle-man.
“Nick of time”? Ces was incensed that something so sacred. As sacred as a VC could be just a mere tool to curry favour and not what he’d always passionately believed in as the highest anointment by a Christian God for services to his People, King, and Country in knocking of wops in faraway places.
‘Yeah before the forward budget estimates for the 10-11 year, as you remember we wanted the 500 million for the new ‘ANZAC AGE OF GLORY’ light and sound annexe, and if we weren’t gonna get a VC outta Afghanistan It’d turn out to be a dud like East Timor’!
East Timor’? We could see the veins sticking out of Ces’s head.
‘Pssst Charlie, I put the cash into Aldi bags just like they do at Crown Casino, so as not to arouse suspicion”.
‘Yeah, it was (East Timor) a sort of success as you know, human rights, self-determination freedom and all that shit, but no V.C’s!
We came outta that stoush and if we’d won a V.C it’d put the Indonesians off side. No one’s gonna complain about a VC won in Afghanistan cos after we’d done our bit and the Russians had done their bit, and the Poms had done their bit in 1848 and 1842, it’s a fully furnished shit- hole, and that’s the kinda place where a VC really stands out!
It was even suggested we cancel the whole Afghanistan thing. And that would lead to bad blood between us and the Poms and besides, it was timed to coincide with Prince Harry’s appearance at the Fat Lady’s Arms. So as you can see there was quite a bit at stake, and that’s why Gina wants you knocked off. You not only know too much, but you know the real Benny, and when he’s anointed as a kind of saint, the last thing both Kerry, and Gina want is you lot spilling the beans. It’d be worse than Rolf’s order of Australia, or worse even still than Jimmy Saville’s knight-hood. Right across the board, for ‘the FIRM’, the war industry, Anzackery, you name it, it’d be a fucken disaster. And you’d find out that Gina, like Kerry when she’s really fucken angry makes your former nemesis Sophie look like a flamin fairy. Get me’?
The EMPIRE STRIKES BACK! Cash for V.C’s , peerages, knighthoods OBE’s in the BAG!
We got him, Quent, then asked dispassionately in spite of their imminent execution, ‘So why go along with this Brendan? Surely, you’re a man of integrity. As former leader of the Liberal party you must have some humanity’? Brendan just stared at us in a blank kinda way.
‘But why this Cliffy business’?
That’s just to put Mi6 off our backs, you know how snotty the Poms are about protocol. They only need a whiff of impropriety, and they could call the whole thing off!
IMPROPRIETY!!! Ces was beside himself. ‘They’re rotten with corruption, the whole house of Windsor stinks, and their pollies make ours look green’!
‘Axe the Tax” How an ordinary Australian became ROYALTY!
Are Australian pollies really green??
Or is Ces referring to a naivety at work in the Australian body politic? Only John Barilaro might know and he’s not answering the phone. Find out in our next integrity dripping episode, ‘The price of peace might be war’? or “keeping the bastards honest is a blatant LIE’!