First Opium War 1842. locals demonstrate fierce resistance to opening of “Jolly Jack Tar” fast food outlet in Hong Kong. ( ‘Jolly Jacks promised G.F, Bio-dynamic and Vegan sourced foods with traces of Imperialism”
Dear reader we return to the scene of the crime unfolding before our very eyes. No!! It’s not the pork barreling on an Industrial scale into Coalition seats and oily donations greased before the up-coming Federal Election. It’s back to main game, Ces and Quent, held hostage by Australia’s most powerful woman Sophie, “Is that a knuckleduster in my pocket?” Mirabella.
Sophie’s got em where it hurts most, deep down beneath the desert wastes of Maralinga, on a train to who knows where, driven by a bloke called Terry with Australia’s most decorated soldier ‘Benny Boy’ Roberts Smith. Are they slotted for oblivion, or just tossing up who takes the place of their defiled Tea-lady Mrs Culthorpe after her stint as a parliamentary intern? With more twists and turns than the Obeid Family’s real estate interests we anticipate a climax or at the very least a puff of smoke! Whatever happens it’s hold onto everything and keep your wits about you… read on…
Australia will be there! Unofficial detatchment of Australian SAS troops (on leave from Afghanistan) defend Imperial honour against pyjama clad Chinese mercenaries. (‘The Pyjama Game’, AWM Official History).
Sophie wanted even more than Money, Power and EVERYTHING!
Terry was relaying her ambition for global domination with some bloke called Xi and the fact that China was getting ‘uppity’. As a consequence of getting uppity it posed an existential threat that not even Opium could cure. Whichever way you look at it, Australia was gonna spend big on second rate materiel from our greatest ally the U.S. Rather that than do the unthinkable, develop our own distinctive foreign policy, which at the end of the day would be “ UN-AUSTRALIAN”!
Terry continued with his soliloquy about China and why we should be FEARFUL!
H.M.S Brexit demonstrates efficacy of ‘John Bull’s Bully-Beef extract” upon the untried digestive system of Hong Kong natives.
‘Everything’? ‘Yeah pretty much and that’s why Sophie, like a blowfly to a carcass is drawn to it. And I suppose that’s what got Angus going about the Murray Darling. If we don’t secure our natural assets for members of Angus’s extended family and the rest for Gina and Clive the Chinese are gong to get their filthy hands on it. And the worst bit is they won’t be spending the profits on the Cayman islands, luxury yachts and bolt-holes in London and Paris, but in a place where there’s not even a trickle down effect for real estate agents and hedge fund managers. And that’s in Beijing. If the capital goes to Beijing we’re buggered. Our Capital might as well close down. No trickle down effect. No High- Flyer gaming lounge at CROWN. No Christmas bonus. Not even a dead cat bounce!!
Chinese diplomacy no match for imperial tartan leggings and monocle, De-rigeur for Foreign office secretaries.
Just then as Terry explained to Ces the intricacy of global power, economics and strategic assets, the tram, (because for all intents and purposes it was a light rail system) illuminated a cat frozen in the headlights just long enough before it was rolled over by the conveyance. Clearly the weight of the vehicle engineered to carry nuclear devices and other valued defence equipment withstood the shock, and there was barely a murmur.
‘That was a dead cat bounce’, Terry reassured us….’as far as the Australian economy is concerned that’s about as much give we’re gonna get if China has its way’.
International union of colonial troops sent to stop Chinese from being ” Uppity” Boxer Bebellion 1901.
For Boxer prisoners, a free hair-cut overseen by Imperial troops
By this stage our concept of time had diminished and in the gloom we had no idea how fast, how far, or to which direction we were going. It was a real Coalition climate policy vehicle and all awhile we could just see the outline of Sophie sitting behind the driver, and the muzzle of her MP40 cocked and ready. We could see her whispering to the linesman, and as she pointed to the odd protuberance in the gloom we could dimly see ahead a light. ‘Perhaps that’s the way out’? Ces whispered. ‘It’s hard to tell as it doesn’t grow. It just keeps at the same relative illumination, almost as if the light was glowing and moving at the same speed….. with us’….
‘Very odd’, Ces murmured, ‘what do you think’?
‘I dunno, it’s either something following us, or leading us on? Could either be a fire-fly or perhaps another tram’?
Sophie and the linesman had noticed it and from Ben, no reaction.
Imperial Japanese Army sets up first fast food outlet Nanjing 1937. The locals are desperate to get a franchise.
Is this the fork in the road? Or the turntable to another destiny? Find out in the next rail-ish episode, “ ‘Two tracks to Tango Foxtrot’ or “ A signal box is not all that different to Pandora’s box, and who is Pandora anyway?